An Open Window on Chicago

Nov 20, 2007
4,410
6
Sydney, Australia
Hey guys... I wanted to show you something I've been working on, and admittedly am rather proud of. It's a crime fiction short story I've been writing involving a magician, hence my posting it here, though it is much more than a story about any single crime.

The concept of this short story has been appropriated from my favourite poem, also called "An Open Window on Chicago" by Allen Ginsberg. The story also includes references taken from Sin City, Law & Order: SVU, Criss Angel, even a line from V For Vendetta is adapted and thrown in there. A hint as to what this story is overarchingly about: the title is a metaphor for its purpose.

Warning: Does contain very mild coarse language.

The story is approximately 1500 words so I don't expect you, if you've gotten this far, to actually read it. If you do though, please leave a comment to let me know what you think (constructive criticism is fine).

Without further ado, I present..


An Open Window on Chicago


An appropriation of Allen Ginsberg’s poem An Open Window on Chicago


For Her




There was no going back. A decision had to be made.

One, two, three, four hiding spots.

He could shoot perhaps two before he would be shot. One in four he would live. One in four both would die. Ironic, that the magician now relied on luck.

A shot rang out; one body hit the floor.

* * *

Midwinter night; it was cold, and damp, and dull.

The large overhanging sign read “CLARK AND HALSTEAD”, brushed with day-old snow. Downtown in my home, the windy metropolis felt like Batman’s Gotham City, battleshipped with lights. Suffering personified lifted a hand palsied by Parkinson’s Disease to beg for a cigarette. Under the corner of the blue-lamped boulevard, a magician drew a small crowd of cheering spectators.

A scream of pain, and blood spurted from his bare chest as he stood, arrow protruding from torso, chained to a wooden crucifix.

His scantily dressed assistant threw a black piece of cloth over him, covering him entirely. Only the shape of him remained, lit underneath the winking towers of the city. One could’ve been forgiven for mistaking the air, misted with fine soot, for smoke effects.

Bleep bleep dit dat dit.

The murmuring of the city punctured the silence, meditating on this ‘great’ civilisation. Suddenly, the cloth visibly changed shape, as if sighing, not unlike the black smoke stacks of the tiny reptilian towers, an organism in itself.

The cloth was lifted; the magician had vanished.

From the watertower behind them, a shout of glee. The crowd turned and gasped in astonishment as they saw the magician, without a wound in sight, pumping his fist in the air in front of the old Connor’s insurance sign fading on brick building side - once a corporation so proud of their executives they had to erect a monument to advertise and pay homage. How pitiful.

The magician bowed, a cruel smile on his mad face, and disappeared into the darkness.

It was then, and only then that the crowd noticed the assistant - with the distraction of the apparition, she was laying on the ground, murdered. Blood trickled from her mouth and onto the ground as she lay there, frozen in her final moments, an arrow sticking profusely from her proud chest.

Bleep bleep dit dat dit.

“911, what is your emergency?”

A few minutes later, police cars blinked past on nearby avenues, patrolling the streets, shooting through red lights past the crawling lines of ordinary private skins, exuding white winter smoke.

At the corner grill, a police car turned around from patrol to take its load of bum to jail, leaving behind black uniforms in their place, searching for the magician.

Sergeant Hartigan was one of those men; an experienced cop of almost 40 years in the force. But his kind was dying he knew. He had just been relieved from duty. Eat, eat, said the sign, so he entered the Spanish diner. Inside, the girl at the counter, whose yellow Bouffant roots grew black over her face, spooned him his coffee with puncture marked knuckles, midnight wrists perforated with needle track scars.

“Wanna go get a hotel room with me?”

A typical heroine whore, he knew her type. For thirty years they had been around, thirty years in the making. And this girl, who couldn’t have been more than early 20s, was wasting her life. Eighteen years at least of raising, schooling and studying and nurturing and for what, for this? This semblance of a life?

He sighed. Not everyone could be saved, not nearly everyone. Though he had been around for 40 years, he had always felt that he could’ve done so much more.

The radio was playing overhead and a television murmured in the corner - for whom?

The wastage of life had always angered him; he had even seen a psychiatrist once. “Where does the anger come from?” Outside! The same radio messages, the same television programs, the electric networks spread drugs and alcohol worldwide and into every private home in the country - “Communications media” inflicting war and anxiety and paranoia on every private skin. The Dakini hibernates while “social” news flashes through the aether.

More shouts at street corners as bums were rounded up.

Hartigan unbuckled his weapon, placing it on the table, and sipped his coffee, lost in his thoughts, when a familiar figure entered his peripheral vision. The man was young, well built, and perhaps would even have been handsome in the daylight. But this man wore no shirt.

Instantly, his senses were aware and his muscles tensed. His heart sped up considerably, and ached. He was due to retire. He could leave the man. Call in back up. The magician was, after all, considered dangerous. Leave him to the younger men, he thought.

Almost telepathically, as though sensing his tension, the magician turned, and saw him, and saw the gun on the table. Mind reading manifest, he bolted without a word, and Hartigan, without a choice, followed, even as he pulled out his phone.

Within minutes the police station downtown was alive with the very same communications media he hated. Within minutes he was breathless.

Come on old man, show them you’re not completely worthless!

Just keeping the younger man in sight, Hartigan followed the magician.

He ran past a tiny church in roughly the middle of Chicago, with its black spike thrusting into the black air.

And then there were the new Utensil Towers round on horizon.

And there was also the red glow of neon on freshly painted walls at 4AM as the two city travellers desperately dashed through dirty dusty tracks.

My dear reader, I sat and observed these events, staring out of a hotel room window under Heaven.

Past deserted roofs and parking lots, the magician ran into a circus tent.

Hartigan reached the entrance, and stopped. He grasped at his heart, and clumsily shoved two pills down his throat. In front of him stood a veritable maw, a dark entrance to the unknown. Gun drawn, he walked inside.

There was just one simple room in the tent. The suspect was cornered. He would not escape now, regardless - even at that moment, backup was on the way, screeching police cars releasing screeching fumes running past the commercialised everything Chicago had to offer - hog butchers of the world.

“Why’d you do it, Mr. Magic Man?”

“Why not?”

He listened, but the voice echoed strangely in this tent. It was a high-pitched voice, odd, mechanical in its maliciousness.

“Who cares?” It continued. “I was bored… I’m a magician after all, am I not? I’m bored with my show - but the show must go on. Theatre and film please their audiences and from that, the actors must gain their pleasure. The same, alas, is true for me. So allow me, for once, some selfish indulgence - I did this for me, for my own amusement, for I am not like others. Am I?”

“You’re mad.” Hartigan slowed his breathing, calmed his ageing body. A few more minutes and it’d all be alright. Just a few more minutes, keep him talking, and then he couldn’t do any more to anyone.

“My turn. What are you doing over there Mr. Policeman?”

“I have a gun. Come out unarmed and nobody will get hurt.”

“No, what you have are bullets, and a hope that you can hit me with them first, because if you cannot, you will be dead from my gun.”

For the first time, Hartigan examined his surroundings.

One, two, three, four hiding spots.

He could shoot perhaps two before he would be shot. One in four he would live. One in four both would die. Ironic, that the magician now relied on luck.

There was no going back. A decision had to be made.

“Stalling, Mr. Policeman? Naughty. I’ll even be kind to you. You have three seconds to decide where to shoot before I do.”

“Three.”

Hartigan’s eyes darted. He considered withdrawing.

“Two.”

No.

Not after 40 years.


“One.”

Hell of a way to end a career.

A shot rang out; one body hit the floor.

* * *

Elbow on windowsill, I sit and muse, taller than any building here. Harmonious modernity grows rusty-old: the prettiness of existence! I sit and muse, moaning over Chicago’s stone and brick harshly lifting itself vertical. Thoughts rise like steam from my head, joining the blackened smog. Elevators run up and down my leg, carrying copulating couples towards their hotel rooms in my belly, bearing children in my heart.

Close your eyes, my dear reader, and be God; all Chicago is, is what you see.

Throughout the night, bullets crash on flesh - his flesh, my flesh, all the same.

The row of lights on the Finance building.

The watchman gently stirring.

The paper coffee cups by bronzed glass doors.

Is this tiny city the best we can do?!

And under the bridge, brown water floats great turds of ice beside buildings’ feet, in windy metropolis, waiting for the gunshot, waiting for the morning news, waiting to see who is still alive.






Fin.
 
All i have to say is ... WOW, did you write that (meaning the story) not the poem. if you were to write more and make a book about it, you should put the poem in the beginning just like you did here.

Great read,
Mike
 
Nov 20, 2007
4,410
6
Sydney, Australia
Thanks for the replies guys, I really appreciate the comments you guys have taken the time to put down :)

All i have to say is ... WOW, did you write that (meaning the story) not the poem. if you were to write more and make a book about it, you should put the poem in the beginning just like you did here.

Great read,
Mike

Thanks Mike, yeah I wrote it

I like your writing style, nice job :) Entertaining, and suspenseful. :D

Was this a project for a class?

Keep up the good work,

-Sanj

Yeah, it's for class - well, exams coming up... Extension English class, we're studying Crime Fiction... I'm not the type to write a typical crime fiction story though, so yeah this is what came out. Thanks Sanj!

wow that was absolutely fantastic, VERY descriptive

Thanks Mike! I think one of the qualities of this piece is that it showcases the setting of the story and the commercial values of the city, it's a very Sin City type city...

Thanks again all :)
 

Michael Kras

{dg} poet laureate / theory11
Sep 12, 2007
1,268
3
Canada
www.magicanada.myfastforum.org
That's sooooo weird, I was honestly contemplating posting my own short story today on the forums. How bizarre is that? AND mine is ALSO a magic based thriller.

Excellent story by the way... wonderful stuff, well written, and very captivating.
 
Nov 20, 2007
4,410
6
Sydney, Australia
Very awesome story, man- I really enjoyed it!

Hey man, thanks a lot for your comment! Appreciate it, glad you liked it :)

That's sooooo weird, I was honestly contemplating posting my own short story today on the forums. How bizarre is that? AND mine is ALSO a magic based thriller.

Excellent story by the way... wonderful stuff, well written, and very captivating.

Haha really? That's some serious mentalism... Actually, funny thing. This was for a school project, and I had to change about half a dozen words because I just naturally wrote it in M4G1C14NZ 5P33K with stuff like "Mentalism manifest" and so forth and there were question marks :p

Posting's your choice of course but I'd love to see it, it sounds great :D

Thanks for the read praetorivong! I liked it a lot, It was like seeing a scene of "Sin City" (that's the way I was imaginating it :D)

Hey man - that's exactly how I pictured it! I'm glad you liked it, and I'm glad that came over really well - Sin City is my favourite movie of all time (don't kill me anyone), and I just love that style of art that the movie provided, very glamorous black and white and that colour... I have a series of photographs I took which are that style too... I live in the city and I love the city, but at the same time I love the dirty image in an arty way too, and as I think I mentioned that original poem captures the image beautifully too, so it all came together I guess.

Thanks again everyone, really appreciate it all :)
 
Aug 10, 2008
2,023
2
33
In a rock concert
H

Hey man - that's exactly how I pictured it! I'm glad you liked it, and I'm glad that came over really well - Sin City is my favourite movie of all time (don't kill me anyone), and I just love that style of art that the movie provided, very glamorous black and white and that colour... I have a series of photographs I took which are that style too... I live in the city and I love the city, but at the same time I love the dirty image in an arty way too, and as I think I mentioned that original poem captures the image beautifully too, so it all came together I guess.

Thanks again everyone, really appreciate it all :)

jaja, I love sin city!!!!( by the way , there is a movie about zombies that quentin tarantino made but I dont remember the name) anyway, criss angel gave me the creeps in the story you made.
 
Nov 20, 2007
4,410
6
Sydney, Australia
Praetoritevong = Made of awesome and win.

:D Nice!!

- Sean

Thanks Sean, glad you liked it mate :) I r t3h win? :D

jaja, I love sin city!!!!( by the way , there is a movie about zombies that quentin tarantino made but I dont remember the name) anyway, criss angel gave me the creeps in the story you made.

Grindhouse - Planet Terror? I haven't had the time to check that out yet but it looks awesome... lol @ Criss Angel. The magician doing the crucifix thing actually came from an episode of Law & Order I remembering watching a year or so ago. The whole appearing in completely random place and cheering triumphantly was definitely Criss, though :D Except this guy did it without a camera... Hm... Nope, that can't be Criss then... Haha. Inspired by him. :p
 

RickEverhart

forum moderator / t11
Elite Member
Sep 14, 2008
3,637
471
46
Louisville, OH
That was a great read. Very descriptive and you brought it to life. I was able to see everything happening. Keep it up man..
 
Thanks Sean, glad you liked it mate :) I r t3h win? :D



Grindhouse - Planet Terror? I haven't had the time to check that out yet but it looks awesome... lol @ Criss Angel. The magician doing the crucifix thing actually came from an episode of Law & Order I remembering watching a year or so ago. The whole appearing in completely random place and cheering triumphantly was definitely Criss, though :D Except this guy did it without a camera... Hm... Nope, that can't be Criss then... Haha. Inspired by him. :p
Planet Terror wasn't directed by Tarantino.

Great story, reminded me of Watchmen which I am reading at the moment. Keep it up buddy! I can see it as a graphic novel. Just want to say that it DOES resemble stories such as Watchmen and Sin City a little too much. Try finding your own style! If this is your style then here's to you! You're on your way though because this is a top notch story.

Mitch
 
Nov 20, 2007
4,410
6
Sydney, Australia
That was a great read. Very descriptive and you brought it to life. I was able to see everything happening. Keep it up man..

Thanks man, appreciate you reading :)

Planet Terror wasn't directed by Tarantino.

Great story, reminded me of Watchmen which I am reading at the moment. Keep it up buddy! I can see it as a graphic novel. Just want to say that it DOES resemble stories such as Watchmen and Sin City a little too much. Try finding your own style! If this is your style then here's to you! You're on your way though because this is a top notch story.

Mitch

Not Planet Terror? Was it the other one in the duo then? Thanks for that.

Well, I've never read Watchmen - I agree that it's very Sin City like, and Sin City was indeed an influence. Sin City as I said before is my favourite film. The style more comes from the poem though - the original poem has this sort of feel, and as an appropriation, obviously the feel had to maintain continuity. Having said that, I personally love this style of art in general (Call it noir/neo-noir), and I always have, I have done numerous art projects in this style in the past few years, and indeed before Sin City.

I completely understand where you're coming from though, thank you very much for your kind words :)

Wow. Amazing. 'Nuff said.

Short but sweet, thanks mate!
 
Dec 30, 2007
150
0
I'm going to break the mold here and say that you have a good concept and decent writing style, but it needs a little work. On a lot of points, it seemed like you were trying to hard. I know that "Suffering personified lifted a hand palsied by Parkinson’s Disease to beg for a cigarette." sounds kinda cool, but reading that detracts from the overall quality of the story. If the entire thing was written like that, as a sort of parody or jest, then it would be more appropriate. But having those over-elaborate and unnecessary sentences peppered throughout the paper breaks the momentum. Other than those spots, I thought it was pretty well-written. Keep up the good work!
 
Nov 20, 2007
4,410
6
Sydney, Australia
I'm going to break the mold here and say that you have a good concept and decent writing style, but it needs a little work. On a lot of points, it seemed like you were trying to hard. I know that "Suffering personified lifted a hand palsied by Parkinson’s Disease to beg for a cigarette." sounds kinda cool, but reading that detracts from the overall quality of the story. If the entire thing was written like that, as a sort of parody or jest, then it would be more appropriate. But having those over-elaborate and unnecessary sentences peppered throughout the paper breaks the momentum. Other than those spots, I thought it was pretty well-written. Keep up the good work!

Thank you very much for your honest opinion and criticism, I will definitely take it in mind. I have in the past tended to err on the side of too much descriptive stuff like this and it is sometimes a writing fault of mine. Again, thanks for pointing around, and the kind words also, I appreciate it mate :)
 
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