Advice needed on social anxiety. #2 - OP's Reply

[Aced1993]

Hi, guys. I'd like to thank everyone who replied to my last thread for all of your advice. I really appreciated it!

And for those who did reply to my thread, I'd like to give you guys a better understanding of what I'm dealing with, so I'll post some info about myself below.


Alright, so here's the thing. It's not just social anxiety, and it's not just performance anxiety. It's a combination of the two, and then some. Quite naturally, I'm not a talkative person at all unless I'm around someone who I know very well. I'm a painfully shy person around new people, and I mainly only speak when spoken to. Not only would going up to some random stranger to perform magic make my heart throb out of my chest, but just approaching random people in general would give me the shakes. My words would often come out stuttered, and my sentences would normally suffer from brief pauses in between. I especially find it really scary to look people in the eye, and maintain consistent eye-contact, even around family members sometimes, which makes it hard for me to be confident enough to project my voice loud enough for people to actually understand what I'm saying. I also just got over a recent heartbreak a couple years back, which I believe only added to the social anxiety for some reason that I wish I could place my finger on. It's as if I became emotionally sensitive/vulnerable.


Anyway, I believe this anxiety greatly has to do with my lack of social exposure, because I was home-schooled since the 5th grade, and the only people I would socialize with are those that I talked to online, or my immediate circle of family members. But even before I was home-schooled, I found it very difficult to talk to people I didn't know back in elementary school, and all of my friendships at that school were formed only because of the other person's interest in me, and never the other way around. So I'm wondering if what I could be facing is something psychological, or maybe even genetic. To this day, it still takes a lot of getting used to a person before I would even begin to speak with any kind of confidence. And since I don't have my own group of friends in real life, and I haven't been practicing my magic on strangers, I would normally practice on my family, and even when I do that, I'd still shake uncontrollably, not knowing what to say, or how to even present what I'm doing.


Now, I know most people say there's no other way to get rid of the fear other than to face it head on, but I'd really love to find a way to at least be in better control of this condition when attempting to perform for people. I guess maybe I need counseling, but I'm really gonna consider those links that you guys posted. Also, any other suggestions or advice on overcoming my particular battle with anxiety are well accepted! It helps a great deal!


I'm 20 years old now, and just got serious about magic a few months ago. I found that it's an excellent escape, and a fantastic hobby, which I do endeavor to make as my career when the time is right, but of course before I can make that dream come true, I guess you could say that I'll have to awaken my inner magician and make my fears disappear.


Thank you all, once again, for listening!

P.S. Sorry if that last line was too corny for you guys. Lol

 

[12234]

I used to be the same as you I would tremble in fear everytime I went up to someone to perform now I'm so comfortable with walking up to random people all it took was practice I stuffed up hundreds of times before I got it right it just takes time but I grew up always around people so it will be harder for u you good luck

 

[AndrewJ]

Aced.

I'm going to tell you something that's a thousand times easier said than done, but it's the best advice I can offer from having been there. I have been there and worse, in many cases.

So the easier said than done advice: Rehearse being a social human.

See if you can find other magic enthusiasts nearby. Ask to join them.

See if there are any charities that need a helping hand around. Sometimes they just need help sorting things and moving them around. Help them sort things and move things around.

I can't emphasize any sort of theater experience enough. That experience requires you to hit the other side of the social interaction - hard and fast.

Do you have other hobbies? You might have skills from those hobbies that you don't even know about. Explore those hobbies outside of the Internet.

Therapy, if you really need it, should be on the table. See if your state has any programs with reduced cost or free mental health available.

Other advice: None of your audience broke your heart. Neither did your next person of romantic interest, to be honest. Don't hold any of them accountable for your ex. Sorry about your ex. (This is another lesson learned the hard way, shared from my own mistakes.)

The word, though, is synergy. Surround yourself with things that fuel each other. Schedule more time, more regularly, around real flesh and blood humans. Fear is a part of the process. Learning ways past that is vital for success. So, again, I am begging you to look for ways to be around other people.

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Here's some more immediate advice. It will take away anxiety and make your act better. Learn to script your magic.

Scripting gives you a context for your act. It's vital to have some sort of prepared act. This isn't the "trick." This is the showcasing of the trick. When you have a way to to showcase your magic, you are much less afraid and your audience is much more impressed.

Scripting a magic act is also a huge thing. It's something we all work on. These are things I have learned to script and prepare an act. (Please note, I only have a few shows under my belt. I lean toward cabaret/parlor instead of close-up. I can say again that it got me from there to here. I want to only be honest about this: I'm someone who went from having huge anxieties to actually getting on that stage. I also do perform closeup when people ask, now. It was a matter of getting confidence.)

Do you have a decent camera? Even your phone's camera can work, especially if you're able to move video files to a PC to back them up. Do NOT post them to youtube. Just record your act for your own personal use. Maybe listen to your act without watching it. Listen for things you said that were the right thing to say. Ask what you could say better during certain parts of your performance. Start to transcribe a script out of your favorite speaking parts. Evernote or Google Drive will let you keep an "onilne" copy of your script, to work on wherever & whenever inspiration strikes.

Practice and practice and speak like you're doing a perfect act. Then tear it apart only AFTER you finished.

Remember that if you plan to watch the video portion of your own recordings, then aim your camera appropriately. Put it at eye level and tilt it slightly downward. That way it matches what your spectators will see in a live performance.

Watch other magicians. They know what they're doing well enough to have gotten that far. What are they doing that gets them over their fears? What don't you like?

The Royal Road to Card Magic has patter to accompany every effect. Learn the patter and ask why it works. Try the patter out whether you like it or not. There are other books we can suggest once you have at least explored Royal Road.

Remember that you don't always have to speak when performing. Some performers speak all the time. Some slow down. Some allow for quiet, thoughtful magic. Either way, they planned it. You also need a plan.

Search this forum for the words "scripting" and "character."

In all of this, think of the act more than the effect. When you have a point of view and a practiced act, it will take a lot of anxiety off.