Being a magician can be frustrating sometimes. Especially when dealing with clients who don't normally know how to deal with talent. Here are some classic examples of things that just frustrate the hell out of us. Funny but true...
[FONT=Roboto Condensed, sans-serif]1. “We don’t have a budget to pay you…but it’s great exposure!”[/FONT]
Oh yay! Just what I need, another job that 'pads the ol' resume'. Unfortunately exposure doesn't pay my bills nor does it put food into my stomach. You've got to spend money to make money, and while there are a lot of corners you can cut to bring your show in under budget, the talent shouldn't be one of them.
2. “Is there somebody who does what you do, but cheaper?”
So you're not going to hire me for your party now, AND you want me to consult on finding a suitable replacement for myself? Did I get that right?
3. “I’m sorry, you haven’t been paid because of the Accounts Department”
Instead of trying to pass the blame to someone else why don't you just do what you said you would do and pay me. Don't make me chase a check, and don't make me break your knee caps either while I'm at it.
4. “I’m looking for someone to do magic or consult for my film project. You’ll get paid from the royalties.”
No I won't. Your little student film probably will never make it out of the class room, let alone into any major theaters. How about you pay me for my work upfront, perhaps a lesser rate if you must, AND we discuss royalties?
5. “I’m doing you a favor by giving you the opportunity to perform for a live audience on my stage, some of which you need to bring yourself. They just have to pay the door fee and buy two drinks."
Oh a bring 'em kind of event? So let me get this strait... You want me to give up a night I could be working my day job to spend money on gas and parking to show up to your event and get five minutes of stage time and work for free? Oh and you want me to promote the event, get people to buy tickets, buy drinks, and show up all of these things put money into your pocket not mine, all the while knowing that if I don't bring a certain number of people to the show I'll waste all this time and effort on nothing because you won't let me go on? You do know that you are a sick, sadistic, twisted little person don't you?
6. “I like what you do, but I want to make some changes to your act before you go on stage to perform."
In other words here's a list of things last minute that you want to change that will either compromise my show or completely cause my entire act to go sideways. No you can not change, or suggest changes to my act; the act that you booked to perform here tonight. I will not work longer, do shorter, or split my set times up. I also will not add in new material unrehearsed at your request. I will execute my sets in accordance to the contract we discussed and signed ahead of time.
7. “Can you work this four to six hour long special event doing strolling magic the entire time, and I'll pay you $11 dollars an hour?”
Do you honestly think 55$ for four hours of continuous skilled labor is being "fair"? Sure! Let me sign myself up for that kind of highway robbery. Lucky for you I'm running a special on no self respect for my art this week.
8. “It must be so nice to do magic tricks all day, I have to work for a living.”
How on earth is dealing with clients who don't pay, won't pay, want the world while paying for a spoon full of dirt, practicing hours on end honing my art, rehearsing new material, acquiring new clients, keeping up to date with existing ones, travel, performing, and maintaining my act NOT working for a living? All you do is sit at a desk and type crap into a computer all day long.
9. “I showed your promo video to my wife and she doesn’t like it.”
Oh lovely. So what you are saying is there was another decision maker I have to impress that you didn't initially disclose to me in our original negotiations?
10. That this guy earns a living. Stupid hobbyists with business cards.
I work my rear off to acquire new clients, and collect pay checks from hard earned gigs for performing magic that I've spent my life perfecting, refining, rehearsing, and improving all the while THIS guy goes out there with a set of D'Lights, A Svengalli Deck, and Change Bag and is knocking out 4 shows a week for 40$ a show.
11. "Oh my son/daughter/neighbor/husband is really into magic let him show you a few tricks!"
I appreciate your <insert relation here's> enthusiasm for the art but you hired me to be the entertainer. If he/she really wants to show me something then here's the address to our next magic club meeting. You should have them attend, but right now I need to do what you're paying me to do.
12. "Oh you do magic? Have you ever seen this one guy on TV oh what's his name... Criss Angel? Isn't he amazing?"
You really have no clue what you're talking about; do you? I understand you're trying to be relevant but don't be shallow with me. Don't sprinkle a little water on the lawn and call it a swimming pool.
[FONT=Roboto Condensed, sans-serif]1. “We don’t have a budget to pay you…but it’s great exposure!”[/FONT]
Oh yay! Just what I need, another job that 'pads the ol' resume'. Unfortunately exposure doesn't pay my bills nor does it put food into my stomach. You've got to spend money to make money, and while there are a lot of corners you can cut to bring your show in under budget, the talent shouldn't be one of them.
2. “Is there somebody who does what you do, but cheaper?”
So you're not going to hire me for your party now, AND you want me to consult on finding a suitable replacement for myself? Did I get that right?
3. “I’m sorry, you haven’t been paid because of the Accounts Department”
Instead of trying to pass the blame to someone else why don't you just do what you said you would do and pay me. Don't make me chase a check, and don't make me break your knee caps either while I'm at it.
4. “I’m looking for someone to do magic or consult for my film project. You’ll get paid from the royalties.”
No I won't. Your little student film probably will never make it out of the class room, let alone into any major theaters. How about you pay me for my work upfront, perhaps a lesser rate if you must, AND we discuss royalties?
5. “I’m doing you a favor by giving you the opportunity to perform for a live audience on my stage, some of which you need to bring yourself. They just have to pay the door fee and buy two drinks."
Oh a bring 'em kind of event? So let me get this strait... You want me to give up a night I could be working my day job to spend money on gas and parking to show up to your event and get five minutes of stage time and work for free? Oh and you want me to promote the event, get people to buy tickets, buy drinks, and show up all of these things put money into your pocket not mine, all the while knowing that if I don't bring a certain number of people to the show I'll waste all this time and effort on nothing because you won't let me go on? You do know that you are a sick, sadistic, twisted little person don't you?
6. “I like what you do, but I want to make some changes to your act before you go on stage to perform."
In other words here's a list of things last minute that you want to change that will either compromise my show or completely cause my entire act to go sideways. No you can not change, or suggest changes to my act; the act that you booked to perform here tonight. I will not work longer, do shorter, or split my set times up. I also will not add in new material unrehearsed at your request. I will execute my sets in accordance to the contract we discussed and signed ahead of time.
7. “Can you work this four to six hour long special event doing strolling magic the entire time, and I'll pay you $11 dollars an hour?”
Do you honestly think 55$ for four hours of continuous skilled labor is being "fair"? Sure! Let me sign myself up for that kind of highway robbery. Lucky for you I'm running a special on no self respect for my art this week.
8. “It must be so nice to do magic tricks all day, I have to work for a living.”
How on earth is dealing with clients who don't pay, won't pay, want the world while paying for a spoon full of dirt, practicing hours on end honing my art, rehearsing new material, acquiring new clients, keeping up to date with existing ones, travel, performing, and maintaining my act NOT working for a living? All you do is sit at a desk and type crap into a computer all day long.
9. “I showed your promo video to my wife and she doesn’t like it.”
Oh lovely. So what you are saying is there was another decision maker I have to impress that you didn't initially disclose to me in our original negotiations?
10. That this guy earns a living. Stupid hobbyists with business cards.
I work my rear off to acquire new clients, and collect pay checks from hard earned gigs for performing magic that I've spent my life perfecting, refining, rehearsing, and improving all the while THIS guy goes out there with a set of D'Lights, A Svengalli Deck, and Change Bag and is knocking out 4 shows a week for 40$ a show.
11. "Oh my son/daughter/neighbor/husband is really into magic let him show you a few tricks!"
I appreciate your <insert relation here's> enthusiasm for the art but you hired me to be the entertainer. If he/she really wants to show me something then here's the address to our next magic club meeting. You should have them attend, but right now I need to do what you're paying me to do.
12. "Oh you do magic? Have you ever seen this one guy on TV oh what's his name... Criss Angel? Isn't he amazing?"
You really have no clue what you're talking about; do you? I understand you're trying to be relevant but don't be shallow with me. Don't sprinkle a little water on the lawn and call it a swimming pool.
