A big problem..

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by shadesofmagic, Mar 15, 2011.

  1. hello every body , i have a big problem . my parents dont like me doing magic . atfirst they thought i was just taking it as a joke but not now. they dont even want me to do magic . they want me to study to iit , mit and what else . i am just 13 years . they even made a plan that they will make me meet with a engineer . they are always doing secret talks to each other on the phone about what to do . how can i make them feel that i want to do just magic . the day i told them i dont want to do fitgee( it a coaching class for studies of iit indian institute of technology) the y just made my life difficult . no tv and laptop for no reason my exams just finished i hardly get the laptop

    it wasnt well adressed but please help me
  2. hey, I also had that problem a couple of years ago...
    I used to do magic in my free time, and when exam periods I couldn't practice...
  3. Shades,

    I am very sorry to hear that your parents are strictly limiting you to your lifestyle and what you choose to do. To anyone, this is extremely unjust and it's, of course, terrible for anyone passionate about the art of magic to face. You will have roadblocks that will challenge and push you to take it to the next level. If you want to show your parents that you actually care about magic and do not want to do anything else that you referred to, keep on doing it. Don't stop. Show your parents that you are committed to what you've been practicing on and want to make a living from it. Start performing to random people, do a few free gigs at a library where you can spread your name around, then start making a little profit from it. It will take a while to make your parents believe in you, but if they still don't want to face the fact that you don't do what they want you to do, they aren't being good parents. Parents should always encourage their kids, not deface them for being passionate about something.

    You could also take it in this route: Start to become interested in what they want you to do, and do magic on the side. You don't want to be a rebel to your parents either, and the more YOU disrespect them by not listening to them, the more problems you may face. As long as you seem somewhat interested in that career that your parents give you, it will make them happy. So, you could pull out some reverse psychology and make them think you care about that field. Also, this route REALLY helps because if magic doesn't work out for you in the end and you find it hard to make a living from it, you have something to fall back on.

    However, it's up to you to decide what you want to do with your own life. My parents used to be the same way; they didn't like me doing "little magic tricks" and wanted me to focus on music, which is what my older brother did. I was playing the drums long before I got into magic, so it was a shock that I chose magic over music. However, I continue to play drums from time to time because it is fun to do and I've already had an interest in it. It makes both my parents and myself happy. My parents are amazed at me from what I have accomplished with pursuing magic and not quitting, so they are more than fine now with me doing it. Show your parents the same thing, or make an effort to make it happen.

    Hopefully this advice has helped you, and I wish you the best with your situation!
  4. Hey Shades,
    As a parent myself, I can somewhat understand where they are coming from. They want to try to put you on a path that will allow you to be successful in life and set you up for a good future. I know you do not want to hear it, but Magic by itself is not normally going to support you when you are out on your own trying to make house payments, insurance, gas for your vehicle, put food on the table for a family, etc.

    It is difficult for you to see that far down the road. You're parents do not want to see you as a struggling artist who is constantly looking for work and cannot make ends meet. Talk to a few magicians and they will tell you the same. There aren't many Johnny Ace Palmer's out there that do this for a living.

    With that being said, DO NOT give up magic. As Casey said, continue to do it on the side. Learn as much as you can while keeping your parents happy. Go to conventions if they will allow it. Begin to do gigs on the side and will you enjoy the craft and also start to bring in extra spending cash. This is what I do.

    I did not have the problem that you face because I didn't get into magic until I was almost 22. I understand your frustration but please try to view the situation from your parent's stand point as well. Perhaps sit down and have a serious conversation with them so they see your passion for the art.

    Good luck my friend.
  5. Just a point here, MAGIC IS NOT ART.

    Nah.... Just kidding.

    I entirely agree with Reverhart, but take this into consideration, you are still young, maybe your parents think that this is where you make the big choices for your life.

    Play their game man, demonstrate them that practicing doesn't affect your studies and there you have it :).

    The only problem I have with this is that they want you to study what they want you to study. That kinda sucks.
  6. So, you don't have to follow my advice, but this is what I would do:

    Get them to talk with you and tell you EVERY reason they have for not wanting you to do magic. Carefully listen without arguing with them, and when they're finished go back to your room and write down EVERY reason that they told you. Now that you have their arguments, it's time to "prepare"....

    Try to prove their arguments wrong, not in any offensive way of course. By that I don't mean that you should go down and talk with them every time you come up with an argument, write them down instead. When you have arguments/reasons to prove all their reasons wrong or just weird (Once again, try as hard as you can not to be offensive with your arguments), try to come up with reasons for why you SHOULD DO magic.

    By this time you only have arguments for why it isn't "wrong" to do magic, now you need to tell them why it's good to do magic. When you believe that you are finished with the writing down part, refine it. Read it through several times and once again make sure it's not offensive.

    Now, I would ask for help from those who support you in magic (I guess you have atleast someone, everyone does...). Ask them for tips on arguments and reasons, ask them if they think your text is offensive and if they think you should change anything.

    Now, I would recommend you going to your parents saying something like: "We don't have do it now, but I have something that I want to talk with you about. This is something that's really important and really matters to me, so I would like us to sit down for maybe half an hour sometime when you have time and talk about this." If they ask you what you wanna talk about, I would just tell them "We'll go over that when we have the talk later".

    What you have done now is making your parents just a little bit concerned over what you are gonna talk about, and they want to make some time to be able to have this talk with you. Another thing they probably will like is that you didn't force it on them, saying something like "I WANNA TALK WITH YOU NOW! NOW I SAY!" and then started crying when they said that they didn't have time. You let them choose the time when they want to talk.

    When it's finally time for "the talk", tell them that this is really important for you and start going through your arguments/reasons. DON'T EVER scream at them or sound angry or anything alike that, you should have a very calm and understanding voice, thus not making them angry in any way.


    This is what I would do, but this may require you being good at finding arguments, which I have understood that not everyone is. If you can't do it alone, I would recommend you just asking for arguments on forums like this one. Why not just post everything that you have written down? I think a lot of us would love to help you refine it.

    I really hope that everyone understood everything I wrote, but I know my English isn't the best so you can just tell me if there is any part that you didn't understand and I will try to explain it better. Also, I did NOT say that this it THE way to handle it, I only said that this is how I would handle it. You don't have to follow my advice, and you don't need to agree with me thinking that this is a good way of doing it.

    Thank You!
    // RedPants
  7. This is bad advice. If they have told you to stop doing magic and you don't stop, they will see magic as being the problem and will react more strongly. The fact is that you are 13 and you need to do what your parents tell you -- as unfair as that seems.

    Your post makes me ask questions about how your magic is affecting your studies? Do you spend more time with magic than you do studying?

    This is the better advice.

    Eventually, that is true. But when you are 13, it is up to your parents whether you like it or not. Your parents are merely trying to assure that you have the most options available to you when it comes time for you to make that decision.

    Rick is right on with his advice. It is very difficult to make a full time living from magic. Many of the great magicians of the past and present have day jobs. Many of the best magicians are lawyers, doctors, engineers and teachers. Why? Because people in those professions are drawn to the learning, reading and thinking required to progress in magic.

    Your best option is to talk to your parents and make a deal... you agree to focus on your studies first and foremost. Once you have demonstrated that, then ask them to allow you to study magic as long as it doesn't interfere with your schooling.

    This is what Stephen Covey talks about in the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.... seek first to understand (your parents reasons) and THEN (once you understand) seek to be understood (your reasons). Also, I don't think you need to refute everything your parents say, but you need to you can meet their expectations and do magic.
  8. Look, if you enjoy doing magic then dont let anything stop you from doing it! Do as your parents say but don't stop doing what you enjoy. If you're not benefiting the world and having fun doing it then you should die and make room for the rest of the world. Never get drawn into something that you don't enjoy.
  9. Your parents want what is best for you, it is a very hard road to make a decent living with magic and all they are doing is wanting you to have a better life. I would talk to them as an adult to discuss options and times where you could do magic and times when you will study.
  10. I can understand what your parents are trying to get at, like Rick (reverhart) sad, It is not easy, as of now I'd suggest you study in school finish your boards and then go from there. How long have you been doing magic? Are you SURE it is what you want to do? If by the time you finish your 10th you are still wanting to do magic as a career, talk to your parents about it(in the way redpants suggested) ,first just start performing a little bit while you are in college and see how it goes...if you and your parents are OK with it then go ahead.

    This is what I suggest. Im sorry for the brief reply. But feel free to let me know via PM if there is anything you didn't understand and I will try to explain better

    Hope this helps.

    Good luck.

    - Jenai
  11. My adive would be a bad one....

    My advice could be bad or good for you...Idk read it and and the choice is yours.

    My parents used to be anal about me doing magic, too. But in that area of time, my theater arts teacher told us one thing, "would you live and die with the art that you love?" If you can answer that question, and its means that you've made up your mind about the subject of interest.

    If your answer is.....​

    Yes: You will die hard with the art and no matter how hard life is; the fire of interest in you will never extinguish.

    No: May be magic is not that important in your life, and you should concentrates more on other things. Treat magic like a hobby, such as, biking, bowling, or maybe skating.
  12. I meant don't stop as in don't stop doing magic as a whole and completely forget about it. My wording may not have been the best, but I meant to keep on doing magic, but on the side (I get to that further into my post, like you quoted). I realize that I shouldn't have worded it in that way, so I apologize for any confusion or misinterpretations.
  13. your youg... Just honor your parents wishes and finish school, you have pleanty of time to do magic later. What is the worst that can happen? You end up with a college education, and a better chance at getting a god job that pays.

    while you are still living at home your options aren't so hot. You can either listen to mom and dad and have a happy existence, or rebel against them and suffer 5 years of torment and agony.

    seriously... Just play along for now. When your on your own after your 18, then call the shots if you still desire to do so.
  14. You may not want to be an engineer, but it goes hand in hand with magic. I'm a senior in high school and the major I want to focus on in college is engineering. Magicians and engineers are both very creative groups of people. With the knowledge of an engineer associated with being a magician, the possibilities go on for quite a while. Tell your parents about this and how both with complement each other in various ways. Don't put too much focus into your own interests and try and rebel against your parents. Instead, like other members have said, try to do what your parents want you to do and if it doesn't suit your interest and doesn't work out then that's ok. But if it does work out, make sure you still do some magic on the side. Once you're set on what you think you want to do and what your parents will appreciate you doing, you can include magic in your daily life little by little. I hope this little bit of info helped and feel free to pm me if you have any other questions.

  15. Casey:

    I reread your post with that in mind and I get what you are saying. Sorry for the misinterpretation.
  16. from previous small talks here is what i came up with . i didnt have 'the' talk but will soon

    1. as reverhart said that there is no future in magic . they belive i will be able to do nothing in this art .they say the people who take magic as their job have their parents already in the art of magic

    2. but my sister is an artist and not as all so good at studies and my mother has no problem. for me on that side she just want me to study and keep studying till i die . she just wants me to top in studies i am not good at that ( my results are near)

    3. i have no problems with studies . but i want to study like a normal child and do what else i want to do that is magic .i ofcourse want to study and go to college.

    4. they want my magic fully finished. they think my life is going in a well if i do magic

    5.they are having a weird kind of look when something relates to magic . now, what can i do

    6.soon i will have the talk and just hope they understand and dont keep on trying to finish my magic
  17. Shades, please do not twist my words. I'm not saying that there isn't future in magic. I'm saying it is a difficult road to head down to provide for family, make house and car payments, insurance, etc. It can be done, but in most situations as Reality One has pointed out as well, most magicians have day time jobs as well for their primary income. You can have a day job and do magic on the side as a secondary / additional income.
  18. #18 William Draven, Mar 17, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 17, 2011
    There IS a future in the art of magic, it's just a very HARD job to make it at. I'd like to consider myself somewhat successful, and I'm the only one in my family who does it. So your assumption isn't accurate.

    Your parents want the best for you. You should honor them, and finish school.
  19. Trust your heart.

  20. Don't make the main subject of the talk saying "I don't want to be an engineer,I want to be a magician." Make it more like
    "I will study, but I would like to continue doing magic on the side." Also, I don't think they worry about your sister because they probably feel she is going to get married and then her husband will support the family. However, when you grow up, if you choose to get married you will have to support yourself, your wife and children, not easy to do that with magic. I'd also suggest you give what your parents want you to study a chance, You never know, studying how different machines work may just give you ideas for creating new magic effects. :D

    No matter what you choose to do, Please DON'T do anything drastic. Remember, theres always this great community here to support you.

    - Jenai

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