Well, you've got a good start, but there's a lot of work to be done.
First things first, the patter. Yes, I do consider that the first thing as it's the first thing you hear and the first perception you get about the performer and the routine.
Why, may I ask, are you (damn near word-for-word) copying Roth's patter? I can not encourage you enough to be original and new with your presentation. Not to mention that many magicians agree that Roth, while being a consummate coin worker, is one of the most boring performers to watch and listen to.
There are so many themes that can be used with coins other than the "Look what I can do" presentation that so many coin guys do. Scott here on the forums is a supreme example of good framing and presentation around his routines.
Next, your false transfer... Yikes. Try to work on improving the retention of vision, I should believe that the coin never left my sight even for a moment. On one of the transfers I literally saw one coin as the left wrist turned down and another as the right wrist came up.
Watch yourself really take a coin from your left hand and try to duplicate it. Make it a natural action of just taking a coin in your hand.
Now we've reached the Classic Palm. First, make sure that the right hand has turned all the way down before palming the coin. It was very obvious as the coin was nearly in full view as it began heading towards the palm.
Next, as aforementioned, watch that thumb swinging when you palm the coin. Your thumb should barely move as the action takes place and is a dead giveaway of a palm.
You can practice by using your left hand to hold your thumb in place while the other fingers palm the coin. This is a good way to build up muscle memory for the move.
A final thing that will help with all of the moves, and even the patter, is breaking tension. Because of the ridged structure of your presentation and framing it gave me nothing to do but stare right at your hands. While this is, in part, due to the nature of a tight-shot performance, it most definitely can be improved.
Watch Jordan Lapping do some card work on YouTube. His hands never leave view but the moves are nearly imperceptible. This is for one, because he is extremely good at his sleights, and two because while he is moving the card box and your attention is there, he's doing all of the sleights.
Break the tension, break up the routine and try to separate the moment the method takes place and the moment the magic takes place.
I believe Vernon said that, "Gamblers get away with their moves because they do them when no one is watching." (I'm paraphrasing) and that is extremely true. Some magicians will wait and do the secret move while you're watching instead of the 20 seconds you were misdirected.
This is a lengthy post and there is a lot to be considered. But as I said, you have a good start, you just need to work on it and refine it down.
Feel free to PM me with any questions or if you'd like further help.
C
