Jokes you use in your routine...

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Dec 9, 2008
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So when I perform usually I have short little jokes that gets a little chuckle or laugh, I was just wondering what lines do you use to get your audience to laugh, for example a line I use alot is while I'm shuffling all fancy like I will state that "I'm not showing off I'm just showig you something that I can do that you guys can't."

Warning: I might steal a line or two.
 
Mar 3, 2008
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If I do an aerial like a lon distance spinner, when its in the air I say "and Ill catch that card..." and if I drop it I say "right on the ground" So its "And Ill catch that card.. right on the ground.."
heh
 
Jun 10, 2008
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You little stalker!
For Gambling routine: *Does a one hand shuffle* "I've never played cards before."

Fancy Flourishes: "So i'll just shuffle the deck up a little, nothing fancy right?"

When giving a Sharpie for them to sign a card: "Here, i want you to take this pen. Careful, it's sharpie!"

I stole some of those from other people but yea...
 
Dec 29, 2008
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GA
" I don't want you to think I'm a cheater like my ex-girlfriend." Or something like that from the Panic DVD.
 
Oct 11, 2008
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Whenever I have a girl sign something I almost always say, "and you can put your phone number right below it"

Always gets me a laugh, and sometimes a "no" :(
 
Some of these are good on certain audiences, but when people try to be funny when they really aren't just hurts my soul to listen/watch them.

Some may disagree with me on this, but be yourself and don't "script" jokes. There needs to be a bit of truth behind anything if you want someone (especially an audience) to believe it. Anything scripted can kill that. The difference between just being funny and having a good attitude between memorizing jokes that might make people chuckle, is light and day. That's why some comedians are more successful, because they have jokes people can relate to.

Just something to think about,
-RA69
 
Oct 8, 2007
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If I do an aerial like a lon distance spinner, when its in the air I say "and Ill catch that card..." and if I drop it I say "right on the ground" So its "And Ill catch that card.. right on the ground.."
heh

For Gambling routine: *Does a one hand shuffle* "I've never played cards before."

Fancy Flourishes: "So i'll just shuffle the deck up a little, nothing fancy right?"

I like these. I also agree w/ RA69. If you don't plan anything, and a situation comes up, you can come up with a joke then so people can relate.
 
Nov 8, 2007
1,248
3
I don't ever plan to tell a joke, I just work them in when they fit and kind of respond to what's going on. I try to keep any humor I use as natural and personal as possible. I'm sure I have some favorites that come out, but off the top of my head I can't even think of any of them. I try to keep my performance less performance-y and more conversational I suppose.
 
Nov 18, 2008
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CA
You: "Here take the pen. Uncap it. You know why you uncap the pen?"

Spec.: "............"

You: "It works better."

-Autograph DVD, JM

Kinda cheesy if not very cheesy......lots of cheese.
Oh well. ;)
 

Andrei

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Sep 2, 2007
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I'd have to agree with not having scripted jokes in your routine. I think there are very few staples that one can rely on........however......that's not to say I don't have my one joke that never fails to get a laugh.


PERFORM WITH CAUTION, VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED.


When performing Prophet, I say....."What can you buy with 5$ nowadays? Not much right? I mean I can buy _____ (spectator's name) for a night, but that ain't saying much..." :p:p:p

Or you can substitute "I can buy your girlfriend for a night...but that ain't worth much either..." etc. you can really get flexible with this one.

It's horrible...BUT it's funny and gets me on an equal level with the spectators. Someone they can relate to as being an ordinary guy, just like them. That has to be my favorite part about performing, getting to meet people. Ofcourse, this might only work for the younger generation, but you only live once...so why not do it while you still can? :D

Lastly...this only works for an outgoing/funny persona. If the performance is serious ie: David Blaine....people won't take it too well.

Enjoy!

-Andrei Jikh
 
I'd have to agree with not having scripted jokes in your routine. I think there are very few staples that one can rely on........however......that's not to say I don't have my one joke that never fails to get a laugh.


PERFORM WITH CAUTION, VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED.


When performing Prophet, I say....."What can you buy with 5$ nowadays? Not much right? I mean I can buy _____ (spectator's name) for a night, but that ain't saying much..." :p:p:p

Or you can substitute "I can buy your girlfriend for a night...but that ain't worth much either..." etc. you can really get flexible with this one.

It's horrible...BUT it's funny and gets me on an equal level with the spectators. Someone they can relate to as being an ordinary guy, just like them. That has to be my favorite part about performing, getting to meet people. Ofcourse, this might only work for the younger generation, but you only live once...so why not do it while you still can? :D

Lastly...this only works for an outgoing/funny persona. If the performance is serious ie: David Blaine....people won't take it too well.

Enjoy!

-Andrei Jikh
Nice One Jikh!

Here's mine:
"As a magician, you can levitate. But Red Bull gives you wings." drink red bull and perform the king rising levitation at the same time. And flap your arms like your flapping your wings.
 
Aug 31, 2007
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Long Island/New York
Andrei, that was awesome!

Usually when I perform I just say whatever comes to my head. Nothing scheduled or anything.
When you're quick witted and a good magician, people tend to like ya!:D
 
Aug 31, 2007
375
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Hartford, CT
I used to do comedy improv back when I lived in Boston 20 years ago...(damn, I'm OOOOOLD) so I use what I've been trained on from that.

I have to agree that scripted jokes seem so "contrived". I think it's a good start if you've never been able to improv, but I think you shouldn't just use scripted jokes all the time. Comedy improv is like learning magic. You gotta keep practicing. Don't be afraid to try other impromptu jokes when you see the opportunity. Believe me, the chance for humor comes around a lot. :)

So my suggestion is to start with the scripted jokes, but keep a sharp (sharpie? :) ) eye out and don't be afraid to go "off script".
 
I used to do improv comedy back when I lived in Boston 20 years ago...(damn, I'm OOOOOLD) so I use what I've been trained on from that.

I have to agree that scripted jokes seem so "contrived". I think it's a good start if you've never been able to improv, but I think you shouldn't just do that. Like learning magic, try other jokes when you see the oppertunity. Believe me, the chance for humor comes around a lot. :)

So my suggestion is to start with the scripted jokes, but keep a sharp (sharpie? :) ) eye out and don't be afraid to go "off script".


There are many conraversies between the pros and cons of Improv vs. Scripting. I would say to read the Ebook: "Say What?" By Alexander Vornoff. (AKA Steerpike). I know you might not like him but it is a GREAT read.
 
Jul 21, 2008
271
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Ohio
For example when I'm doing some kind of biddle-type effect, and I need more than on card, I'll say something like this. "Ok since you can see I'm not very good with cards.." (I say this as I'm doing a fancy one-handed aerial cut.) ".. Your going to have to give me a few chances to find your card." That way it gives justification to why your using five cards.
 
Jun 10, 2008
1,280
0
You little stalker!
About scripted jokes: Darwin Ortiz talked about this in Strong Magic. He said it's good to have scripted ad-libs. which are little one-liners that don't relate to your routine. It's for when something unexpected happens during your trick (A spectator burps, you drop a card, etc.) It's good to keep a list of these ad-libs in case you run into them. When you do, you'll be ready and it will sound like you made it up on the fly. Sometimes, you really will make stuff up on the fly, and it's best to write those down to save for later.

an example that Darwin Ortiz used was that this one comedian would do a show and right off the bat he would say he has no idea what he's talking about. But if you watch his show more than once, you'll know that he says the exact same thing for every show. At the end of each show, he does 5 minutes of true improv. If he finds something in those 5 minutes that is good, he'll write it down and use it in the next show.
 
Jan 18, 2009
151
1
I love Darwins jokes for coughing. You hear alot of them in Thumbtip encyclopedia and after like eight coughs he starts saying "gotta pass you a coughdrop, i'm running out of jokes for that one." I love his stuff but never knew about the five minute improv.
 
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