Funny Magic Lines

[Clay Elleby]

Do you know any funny magic lines that could be used in a performance or when opening?

 

[RealityOne]

No, that was my wife.
However, it wasn't peanut butter.
That time, I was glad that I hadn't showered.
Then it turned blue and I've regretted it ever since.

 

[strudles]

You could start a Sam the Bellhop routine by saying "Two kings walk into a bar. They said ouch while the third one ducked." This would be horribly corny though.

 

[Justin.Morris]

This thread made me think of these lol:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-c2GH1Ot8SQ
and
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNdVQXHwrRQ