0:04 - Turn off auto-focus. Auto-focus is horrible and makes everything look horrible. It actually gives some people headaches because it screws with your eyes by constantly shifting the focal point even if the framing is stationary.
0:11 - Between the glare from the window over-exposing the phone and the auto-focus, that graphic was completely unreadable.
0:25 - Music's not doing anything for me. No bass drops yet, but it doesn't stand out either.
0:31 - Right now, you're showing about as much of your face as Batman. Not a hot idea. What you should be doing is a medium shot, taking in the whole torso and leaving some room over the head.
0:35 - I would have redone the take at this point.
0:41 - The jump cut was really jarring. You have to avoid that.
0:48 - A beat drop followed by a shot of your expansive "area." Not a winning formula. I see a lot of videos, and way too many of them include someone's junk dominating the frame. Carson Kressley may say that personality stats in the crotch region, but I would add the caveat that it's no good without a full body and head attached.
0:52 - That's screwing with the framing and the focus. It just doesn't look good.
0:55 - Next suggestion: don't use a swiveling office chair for this sort of thing. You keep turning in it and it's really distracting. It's the equivalent of swaying from one side to the next while speaking.
0:57 - The framing ruined the effect.
1:01 - The focus here is terrible. It really hurts my eyes.
1:09 - Your spinning again. And your hunched shoulders make you look like you have scoliosis. Which is bad.
1:16 - Not enough build-up to the reveal. Way too fast and snapping your fingers isn't really that interesting anymore.
1:22 - Again, bad framing and horribly out of focus and you're spinning again.
1:27 - Another jump cut.
1:31 - All the little spins and flips aren't really adding anything. It's hanging bells and whistles on what are really fairly pedestrian moves with little in the way of personalized presentation.
1:25 - Your hands noticeably tensed up for that. You need to make it look more natural.
1:40 - Was the slug necessary?
1:46 - You're spinning way too much and the focus is killing me. None of these shots are usable.
1:51 - You're handling the cards awkwardly and holding them way too low in the frame.
1:59 - This is my last comment on the auto-focus. Just turn it off. From now on, any shot that has auto-focus on is to be deemed unusable and redone with proper framing and blocking.
2:06 - The cut there basically says to the viewer, "That scene's going nowhere, let's try another one!"
2:10 - Very awkward looking.
2:22 - Just because you can edit doesn't mean you should. The cuts don't make sense.
2:30 - Shoving the cards at the lens didn't accomplish much except to further screw with the camera.
2:45 - Gah! Your package is coming right at me!
2:55 - Okay, what am I looking at, and why am I looking at it?
3:14 - So you didn't actually have enough material to last the duration of the song?
Overall, complete do-over. Your two biggest problems are awkward handling and poor camera work. The first can be solved by more rehearsal. The second you need to actually learn all the controls on your camera and how to frame a shot. The music was also so generic as to do nothing to separate you from the thousands of other dudes making videos like this one.
I wrote this back in April so hopefully that will get the ball rolling. Beyond that, tell me what books you own and what your three favorite bands are.