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Diary of a Nitwit Magician

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Mar 29, 2008
882
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Day 1

Guess what, Diary? I'm a magician!!! That's right. I went into a
Magic Shop on 8th Street this morning and told Jeff, the guy that
owns the shop, about the guy I saw in the bar last week. This magician
guy was doing tricks. He had me take a card and sign it. Then he asked
me to take my shoe off. I did. He reached in and pulled out my card,
which was all folded up and junk. I told him it was a lame trick and he
just kinda shrugged and walked away. Actually, I thought it was kinda
cool but the magician guy was obviously hitting on the girl I wanted to
take home that night. (She didn't go home with either of us that night
though. So we're even.)

I told Jeff to sell me the trick where you have someone sign a card
and then you pull it out of a shoe. He told me he doesn't sell that
trick in particular but he does have it in a book. I asked him if he'd
show me the book. He did but it was all shrink wrapped and stuff. What's
more is he wanted $60 for the book. What a thief.

Jeff told me that it was a pretty complicated trick (I think that's
the word he used) and he said I should try something easy at first. I
told him all I had was $10 and he said I could become a magician for
$10.

"Really?" I said. He said yes and then he showed me this real cool trick
with a blue vase and a red ball. He took the top off this vase and
there's a red ball. Then he took the ball and put it in his pocket and
covered the vase up again. He snapped his fingers and the ball was
BACK!!!

Wait. It gets even better. Then he covered up the ball again, snapped
his fingers, and the ball was gone. It was back in his pocket.

I bought the trick. It cost me $8. I took it home and practiced it.
I showed the trick to my Mom and she thought it was neat.
Tonight I'm taking it to the bar. I hope that magician is there this
time. I'll kick his butt!
 
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Mar 29, 2008
882
2
Why is it funny?

I wrote it this morning... Day 1

I have been a magician, including today for exactly one day, but really since I was younger if you count knowing a trick, as I would FRY people with this trick where you deal out three rows of seven cards. Man it KILLS! No joke. Do you know it? NOBOBY ever figures it out. Anyhow, I got to get back to work at this ball and vase thing - sometimes I mess it up and lift up at the wrong spot. Magic is SO hard...I may go back to the shop and pick up some more stuff so I can be wicked like you guys. Thanks for the support.

I will let you know how it goes tonight - Peace!

SOON TO BE THE BEST MAGICIAN IN THE WORLD!
 
Mar 29, 2008
882
2
Day 2

The magician wasn't there last night but the girl we were both trying to
pick up was there. I showed her the vase trick but halfway through it
her girlfriends came up because they wanted her to dance. So I waited
for her. When she got back she wasn't too interested in seeing the rest
of the vase trick. (I made up this real cool routine where the ball
jumps back and forth like 25 times.) So I gave her my phone number and told
her to call me so I can show her the rest of the trick. Magic works awesome with the ladies!

I got to crash - I got to get up early to get some more magic from the shop.

Peace!
 
I saw the title of this and thought `Oh great another pointless lame thread!`

I read it. I laughed. A lot.

Although slightly pointless, this thread is very funny and receives my seal of approval (not that anyone anywhere gives a damn.)
 
Aug 31, 2007
1,960
1
32
Long Island/New York
Why is it funny?

I wrote it this morning... Day 1

I have been a magician, including today for exactly one day, but really since I was younger if you count knowing a trick, as I would FRY people with this trick where you deal out three rows of seven cards. Man it KILLS! No joke. Do you know it? NOBOBY ever figures it out. Anyhow, I got to get back to work at this ball and vase thing - sometimes I mess it up and lift up at the wrong spot. Magic is SO hard...I may go back to the shop and pick up some more stuff so I can be wicked like you guys. Thanks for the support.

I will let you know how it goes tonight - Peace!

SOON TO BE THE BEST MAGICIAN IN THE WORLD!


I thought it was funny because of your personality in your typing. Keep it up man.
I want to hear more!
I didn't expect you to be a magician for 1 day considering you have over a 100 posts here. I thought you wrote this in your diary awhile back and now your just typing it up for us.
But yeah, this is great. Keep going!
 
Mar 29, 2008
882
2
Day 3

I bought more tricks at the store today. I went to the bank and got $20
because I decided that magicians should be able to do more than one
trick. I bought a trick called MIND CONTROL, where you give someone
three cards: a yellow one, a green one, and a blue one, and you tell
them to pick one and you already know which one it was. (It's neat.)

Also I bought some sponge balls (even though they don't do anything), a
neat trick where it looks like you stick a match up your nose, and my
favourite trick which is called the LF monte. What that trick is is you
show three cards and one of them is the Queen of Hearts. You turn the
cards over and you tell a girl to pull out the Queen of Hearts. When she
does it has LET'S F**K written on it. I bet I'll get laid lots with that
one.

Oh yeah... Magic store Jeff also gave me a small book called 20 tricks you can do
with an ordinary deck of cards. It was free. (Jeff is a great guy. He
told me he bets I'll get laid lots with the LF monte too.) I didn't have
enough left over to buy a deck of cards though.

I went to my Mom's house and showed her my new tricks. (I didn't show
her the LF monte though.) She liked the mind control trick the best but
she thought the match up the nose was really gross. Also, I tried to do
the sponge ball trick for her but the balls kept dropping out of my
hands. I'll have to work real hard at it if I want to impress that girl
tomorrow night.

I will keep you updated on the crazy reactions I get! Glad you all are enjoying this thread.
 
May 7, 2008
87
0
my favourite trick which is called the LF monte. What that trick is is you show three cards and one of them is the Queen of Hearts. You turn the cards over and you tell a girl to pull out the Queen of Hearts. When she does it has LET'S F**K written on it. I bet I'll get laid lots with that one.

awesome. (word count)
 
Sep 1, 2007
586
0
Cornwall
maybe its because im 21 and probably much more mature/better looking than all of you
but i had a slight chuckle
not a "lol" by any means
 
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