Jokes you use in your routine...

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Oct 17, 2007
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Aussie NSW
Hmmm, my routines are completely based on comedy... yet... I have no scripted jokes. I can see why from these attempts too :D
'It's a sharpie'? Come on guys, we can do better than that :)

Dan Sperry in Cookie Cutter.


"This is really a broad trick, theres really no right or wrong way to ( Dans Awesome Laugh ) Yes there is a wrong way of doing it.



If you didnt get that well go watch cookie cutter again.
 
Dec 17, 2007
887
2
Canada
Here is one that I learned from Gazzo, there are very few APPROPRIATE times to use it but when you do it kills.


(Spectators phone rings) Magician Says "Hey let me talk to that person, Hi my name is Michael I'm a magician and you just interrupted my show. Its fine though let me just ask you a couple of questions before you go. What has big balls and hangs down? (they answer) Ok good, now what has big balls and hangs up? (I hang up the phone.) "


-Michael
 
Nov 30, 2007
685
1
Midlands, England
Here is one that I learned from Gazzo, there are very few APPROPRIATE times to use it but when you do it kills.


(Spectators phone rings) Magician Says "Hey let me talk to that person, Hi my name is Michael I'm a magician and you just interrupted my show. Its fine though let me just ask you a couple of questions before you go. What has big balls and hangs down? (they answer) Ok good, now what has big balls and hangs up? (I hang up the phone.) "


-Michael

I've used that many, many times. I love it, although you get a lot of groans from your audience.

-Sam H
 
May 18, 2008
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One I have gotten good mileage out of is when I do a trick where I borrow money (coin or dollar) from the audience and they toss it too me and it hits someone in the audience, I will say,

"Don't worry guys, he/she is used to that; he/she used to be a stripper!"

I don't know why, but it always works.

One I heard Shawn Farquar use in his act while doing an ambitious card was,

"The card, it goes down. Do you know what triggers that? Gravity. The card, it goes up. Know what triggers that? Viagra!"

I thought it was hillarious.
 
Mar 29, 2008
889
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Here is the thing guys - SCRIPTING your jokes doesn't mean they have to come out "scripted", even professional comedians script everything - even if it looks like it is not - Andy Kaufman was amazing at this...making things look "off the cuff".

I find it incredibly sad that all of you are stuck on stealing lines - it appears like the only book you read was Harry Allen's Sleight of Mouth book on magic one-liners. It is time to start thinking for yourself - create jokes that represent who you are.

As for Andrei - the guy says 5 bucks buys a guys wife - that isn't funny at all man. Really. Insulting the guys wife - classy - sure you will book many shows insulting a guys mate.

Stealing words out of someones act, is like stealing the trick and claiming it to be your creation. Often, we are doing the same or similar effects - the only thing that makes you different is your presentation. When you start stealing lines, when people laugh - they aren't laughing at you...they are laughing at a joke you stole from someone much smarter than you.

I agree that comedy can come from situational spots and quick thinking - it appears far more authentic.

I just say comedian Jeremy Hotz from Canada - a guy opened for him and did his act - scripted. Hotz came out and talked to the audience, his opener was getting the audience invovled by talking to them and making very funny jokes based off their answers. He killed, and connected with people - the opener, nobody remembered. This is the difference between a funny guy that can think on his feet, and someone that was using "stock" lines to present their comedy. Think about that and how it relates to your jokes in magic...then realize that the "stock" lines you are using to make yourself "FUNNY" (and I use that term loosely) are NOT YOURS!!

So - really - the tricks you are showing are not yours, the words you are saying are not yours...and we have people calling themselves artists? Seriously? Would you call a COVER BAND a group of artists at only mimic another bands stuff?

Ever see a cover band make it big?

So - maybe you aren't creative enough to make your own magic - but you can control the jokes and things you say - oddly - and on a related note - I had someone go to a buskers convention and say - "You know the only thing that was odd and sort of sucky....they all made the same one liner jokes" - "do all entertainers make the same jokes"?

My answer - "I don't...but I know many that do" - looking above this post.

By the way Redbull does NOT give you wings, it just helps to restore mental alertness when drowsy. IDIOT!

Think for yourselves - you have it in you to be the real you...unless that is not good enough?
 
Jun 2, 2008
105
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SO Lame !

I can cut my self in half usualy, however my half brother is on holiday right now.
 
May 31, 2008
43
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scripted jokes

Certain lines are absolutely classic. normally , the only scripted jokes I have will pertain to a particular effect. For example, If I'm doing a card to pocket (gregory wilson handling), I use the David Williamson line "take your time its my birthday." if asking a lady to remove the card from my pocket. When the 51 cards go to my pocket I use my "take them out one at a time line".
 
Sep 1, 2007
3,818
15
Warning: I might steal a line or two.

Then explain to me why I should list a single word of my routines?

Some may disagree with me on this, but be yourself and don't "script" jokes. There needs to be a bit of truth behind anything if you want someone (especially an audience) to believe it.

You're right, I am going to disagree.

There's a joke I use whenever I perform the Biddle Trick. I've used it a million times, but it always gets a laugh, and it's very distinctly ME.

And you're going to tell me that because I scripted it ahead of time and took a year to hone every word and the exact rhythm that it is somehow untrue and false? Excuse me for a moment, I need to speak to a Mr. J Daniels..

Anything scripted can kill that. The difference between just being funny and having a good attitude between memorizing jokes that might make people chuckle, is light and day.

No and no.

That's why some comedians are more successful, because they have jokes people can relate to.

And you think that has anything to do with scripting and improv? Give me a break.

Have you ever watched a comedy movie? Do you really think Airplane was just making it up as they went along?

I like these. I also agree w/ RA69. If you don't plan anything, and a situation comes up, you can come up with a joke then so people can relate.

Let's see that logic stand up to real scrutiny.

I'd have to agree with not having scripted jokes in your routine.

And I have no problem with telling you why I disagree provided you're willing to explain your stance in more detail.

Hmmm, my routines are completely based on comedy... yet... I have no scripted jokes. I can see why from these attempts too :D
'It's a sharpie'? Come on guys, we can do better than that :)

The only real problem with scripting is that most people are so bloody awful at it.

Telling jokes isn't just about having a set up and a punchline, damn it!

Here is the thing guys - SCRIPTING your jokes doesn't mean they have to come out "scripted", even professional comedians script everything - even if it looks like it is not - Andy Kaufman was amazing at this...making things look "off the cuff".

And a beacon of sanity and education shines through the gloom and fog of incestuously traded one-liners!

I find it incredibly sad that all of you are stuck on stealing lines - it appears like the only book you read was Harry Allen's Sleight of Mouth book on magic one-liners. It is time to start thinking for yourself - create jokes that represent who you are.

Two problems with that. The first is that most people can't write. And when they try, they're bad at it because they put no consideration into the craft.

The second is that most people have no idea who they are.

I agree that comedy can come from situational spots and quick thinking - it appears far more authentic.

Small nod to Christopher Guest.

Ever see a cover band make it big?

Apparently people on Theory 11 have been playing a lot of Rock Band.

And let me just cut one of my inevitable critics off by saying no, I will not be posting any examples of good scripted jokes. Not because I don't have them, but because I don't care to live with the knowledge that you thieving jackals are going to be walking around using my words with none of my personality.
 
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May 3, 2018
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I am using a really good one For my gig that Brian Brushwood uses that I thought was too good! Before a mentalist routine you have to prove that it isn’t t set up. So you have card that says ‘prediction’ on it and you ask the spectator if they just happen to know what’s written on it! When they say ‘no’ you flop it over and it has ‘NO’ written in big letters!
 
Nov 12, 2016
1,140
1,589
LA (Lower Alabama)
I better post this quick before this thread is taken down for thread bumping!!!!!!


"Make sure you remember your card, because if you forget it, we will have created the world's greatest..........




....Waste of time.
 
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