Ok. So. First thing, congrats on trying to make up something entertaining with the 'you can't see this part' section.
Unfortunately, it fell a bit short of entertaining.
If all you're going to do with your script is tell me what I'm seeing you do, then don't talk at all. It's distracting and annoying for you to tell me what's right in front of my face. This probably would have been a better video if you hadn't spoken at all, because I wouldn't be focusing on how often you say things like, "Just like this" "and now what we're going to do is", etc.
This makes it sound like you don't actually know what you're doing and you're just stalling for time while you remember the next step in the trick. It's unnatural and it's frustrating for the viewer to listen to.
Also, you went on so much with the 'you can't see this part' section that I forgot the selection and what was going on with the trick entirely. The ending lost all punch because I had lost track of what was going on anyway and really, I just wanted you to stop talking.
Also, framing. I will be the first to admit that I do not understand how to make a good video (there's a reason I really don't have any up), but even I know that having your hands which are the only thing going on in the video be halfway out of the frame is irritating. I spent half the video wanting to adjust the camera angle so I can actually see what's going on. Which means I'm not paying attention to your trick.
Also, magic like this will go over much better if there's a real live spectator. Why? Because then we have their reaction to feed off of. Right now the only reaction we have is our own, and that's not going to be as good as it could be simply because we're physically disconnected from the actions of the trick. We're not actively participating because it's not a live, interactive thing. Therefore, all reactions are going to be muted. You need to compensate for that. The best way is by having a live audience for us to see react.
