Confidence

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by dbmagic4, Oct 9, 2011.

  1. Hey guys, so I have a predicament, and I know this isn't really magic related, but I know that you have to be confident to do the things we do, so I thought, "why don't I ask some other confident people?". So, my girlfriend doesn't really have very many people skills. She finds it difficult to make conversation with strangers or friends alike. I, myself, am a pretty confident person, and i've been trying to help her come out of her shell, but nothing is really working. She is trying to get a job for Amazon, but talking on the phone is what she'll be doing. She needs those skills. Can you guys think of anything that can possibly help?
     
  2. To try and salvage this thread by making it magic related ill say, teach her a magic trick. See if it helps her interaction with people. I dont even really think this is what will help the most. I do sympathise with your situation, but it's not magic related at all and there is many places to go to get advice for this.
     
  3. I have 0 people skills and I'm not very confident when talking to strangers. Yet I manage it somehow and I think the secret is that I don't give a damn. I don't care how they react, think or whatever. I say what I want to say and it'll be their problem if it's off the charts. So you are faking confidence in a way or maybe not giving a damn is confidence? Works for me anyway.
     
  4. Confidence only comes with interacting with people and having successes. The only way she will get more confident is by talking with people over and over and over and over
     
  5. That's basically it, it just takes practice and repetition of what she needs to work on. Good luck!
     
  6. I agree. If you repeat something enough, confidence is a side effect. Lack of confidence can be deep rooted, and something learned through environment and social reinforcement. This is a tangled web, and not something that will unravel by 'something you say'. It will take time and practice doing whatever it is she wants to be confident at. Perhaps telephony simply isn't the area she should be working in.

    Confidence is about not giving a damn ... i like that. Arrogance could be seen as extreme confidence.
     
  7. Hmm, don't throw her into the lion's den people. Although what Benji said is technically true, it is VERY incomplete.

    You do no want to start her off in the middle of a giant party filled with intimidating people as it will drive her further into her shell. Start off in very small situations mixed with known and unknown people. Go on a double date with people you have met recently. Go to a very small party where you may possibly only know the host and asked to be introduced to some people, this way you will have a lead into the conversation.

    But remember, lack of confidence and shyness are completely different. Make sure your GF is seeking this help and is trying to become a more social and confident person. If you are doing this on your own, it could have an adverse effect on the situation.

    If in fact it is a mutually understood confidence thing, positive reinforcement and feedback, with a helping hand in some difficult communication situations, can go along way, but again, as long as you do no overdo it.

    Have her think of some things she is proud of herself for that she can use to boost her confidence in a conversation (NOT EGO though, there is a difference). And you can use those as well, for example, "did you hear my GF is applying for a position at Amazjon.jp? I think she will be perfect for this job." Put her in a small spotlight, help her answer questions when she cant, etc... But again, if you do it too much, it will just flood her with unwanted attention. You yourself need to read the situation and understand what she can and cannot handle.

    All of this advice hopefully helps, and it is advice I myself have received when dealing with students in the classroom. Some students are more confident than others, and it is the teacher's job to ensure everyone is getting an equal opportunity, and you must recognize what will help whom, and who to help first, etc...

    Hope it all works out.
     
  8. Lots of great stuff above, I'm not going to repeate any of it, just add a few thoughts.

    She probably has a fear of people, maybe a lack of self image or both. So how do we overcome anything? Baby steps. If you want to get over a fear of heights you dont go sky diving, you stand on the 1st rung of a ladder, day after day, until it's boring. Then the 2nd step, day after day, until its boring etc etc until you can get on a plane or whatever the ultimate goal is. The point is, this isnt an overnight fix. She didnt develop a fear or low self image over night and therefore will not fix it overnight.

    This is what I suggest. When you go out to dinner have her say hi to the waitress and look the waitress in her eyes. Or go to a store and have her introduce herself to the salespeople. No conversation, she may not be ready for that, but say hi. After she has done that enough times that its become boring (no more fear) then have her say hi to the next salesperson and give them a complement. Next step would be to ask the salesperson about themseleves (everyones favorite topic is themseleves and people will think you are a Brilliant conversationalist if you focus the conversation soley around them and their interests.) Do these things until there is no more fear and she will be well on her way.

    Mix the above with some books that work on self image. "See you at the Top" by Zig Ziglar comes to mind.

    My overall point is she does not have to remain the way she is forever, but it will take persistant and consisitant action to overcome. The real question is, does she want to do these things? Is she willing to take the action needed? If not, then the Amazon job isnt for her. If she is, it'll benefit her for the rest of her days both in and out of that job.
    Hope this helps.
    -Tyler
     
  9. On one level there is a truth that the more you do something the more confident you will become in your skills and abilities. In this case however, I think it would be a kind service to her that you nudge her into some confidence building workshops -- image building and those seminars that help you realize your potential. . . I'd go as far as to take her to a Tony Robbins seminar and do the fire walking so as to prove to her that she can go outside her comfort zone.

    Opposites attract for a reason; to create balance for either individual. We do this daily as we interact with others and on some limited level, we influence them as they do us. When we're aware of this exchange we can digest it and consider why something about that person disturbs us or what it is that makes us feel good, etc. and in so doing, we start learning more about who we are. Believe it or not, this too is a process via which confidence can be developed and for some introverts, it's the only way they learn to emerge from the nut shell holding them.

    Teaching someone a magic trick to get them out of a psychological prison ain't exactly the best first shot. While it works (and is why most of us take up magic or puppets, etc. ) it does not address the issue, it's a band-aid. While some are born with a natural sense of timidity and preferring a state of isolation -- small groups of friends and family, the majority of folks in this mind-set have been abused in some way -- conditioned to accept such a plight in their lives because they are literally afraid of screwing things up, being rejected, being put down, etc. and in this era of on-line bullies the condition is seriously compounded.

    Since she's looking for work (and I'll assume she's somewhat attractive), working a pitch, such as perfume or cosmetics, might be an excellent starting point. . . similarly, you could work up a routine or two with her for your stage shows. Start with simple walk on type bits and slowly evolve it into a more interactive role.
     

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