Rate My Patter!

[CasenW]

I'm not just asking you guys to rate my patter, I'm starting a thread where people can share their patter and know if it's good or not, and hopefully, they can eventually improve their patter writing ability by studying this thread.

I'll start:

This country is obsessed with catastrophe, go look at a newspaper headline and tell me, is it good or bad? odds are you would say bad, people just don't care these days. as soon as some good news appears *coin appears* the next day some bad news comes and people forget about the good news, like it was never even there. *coin vanishes* on one of the rare days that we finally hear some good news,* takes coin out of pocket* something bad happens and takes it's place. *Good coin turns into "bad" bronze coin* the thing is, we are always left with bad news, but the key is to take the bad news, and look past it, no matter where it is, we just have to make the bad news disappear. *shows that coin has vanished*

 

[RDChopper]

This country is obsessed with catastrophe, go look at a newspaper headline and tell me, is it good or bad? odds are you would say bad, people just don't care these days. as soon as some good news appears *coin appears* the next day some bad news comes and people forget about the good news, like it was never even there. *coin vanishes* on one of the rare days that we finally hear some good news,* takes coin out of pocket* something bad happens and takes it's place. *Good coin turns into "bad" bronze coin* the thing is, we are always left with bad news, but the key is to take the bad news, and look past it, no matter where it is, we just have to make the bad news disappear. *shows that coin has vanished*

I don't like it. One bit.

Catasthrope? Bad momments? wtf man?

What if the stranger you are performing to just had a relative deceased? or had a really bad day? and you are redusing all of this to a mere coin appearence and dissapearence.

Watch Derren Brown's "Zamiel Rose" for a routine with really good patter, that connects you with the audience and has a kick to it, it delivers a emotional punch to it.

Before I continue with my rant, let me ask you a question:

What do you think that the purpose of "patter" is?

 

[JD]

I don't like it. One bit.

Catasthrope? Bad momments? wtf man?

What if the stranger you are performing to just had a relative deceased? or had a really bad day? and you are redusing all of this to a mere coin appearence and dissapearence.

Watch Derren Brown's "Zamiel Rose" for a routine with really good patter, that connects you with the audience and has a kick to it, it delivers a emotional punch to it.

Before I continue with my rant, let me ask you a question:

What do you think that the purpose of "patter" is?

Ok, before you do magic, connect with your audience. If you can do that, they will be so much more receptive to your magic. Plus it gives you time to find things out about their life, etc. After you've done this, you can decide to use your set patter or not. Besides being good at patter, start working on your improv skills. That will really help in case of a situation occurs of that nature.

 

[Steerpike]

Put a fork in this and start over. This is terrible. Not only is there nothing inherently interesting in the progression of effects, but the narrative makes you sound whiny.

 

[saborfang17]

Put a fork in this and start over. This is terrible. Not only is there nothing inherently interesting in the progression of effects, but the narrative makes you sound whiny.

^LOL.

Boring. Scrap it, or read more books about history. Or even the newspaper, there's lots of good patter ideas in recent news.

 

[Toby]

I agree with everyone else, it pretty much sucks, and I'll try to explain why.
Patter should compliment the effect, it should go along with the effect, and most importantly it needs to make sense. Which yours does not. In fact, it doesn't do any of these things. It doesn't engage the audience at all, on any level. Sure they can relate to good news and bad news, but no one gives a damn about it. Why should they care?
Your patter would better go with news paper tear than coin routine. If nothing else, it would make more sense. Tear the bad news, than restore the bad news and then magically change it into good news. Makes sense?
Patter has to makes sense and it has to go with the effect. Why are you using coins to demonstrate news? Why are you using coins anyways? Why are you talking about news? What is the point of the patter? What are you trying to make spectator see?
Once you answer those questions, your patter will improve.

 

[praetoritevong]

I'm not just asking you guys to rate my patter, I'm starting a thread where people can share their patter and know if it's good or not, and hopefully, they can eventually improve their patter writing ability by studying this thread.

I'll start:

This country is obsessed with catastrophe, go look at a newspaper headline and tell me, is it good or bad? odds are you would say bad, people just don't care these days. as soon as some good news appears *coin appears* the next day some bad news comes and people forget about the good news, like it was never even there. *coin vanishes* on one of the rare days that we finally hear some good news,* takes coin out of pocket* something bad happens and takes it's place. *Good coin turns into "bad" bronze coin* the thing is, we are always left with bad news, but the key is to take the bad news, and look past it, no matter where it is, we just have to make the bad news disappear. *shows that coin has vanished*

I honestly didn't like it Casen, and here' why: You're trying too hard to make your patter "meaningful".

YES, magic should be meaningful, and I say that often, but that's not what I (or, I suspect, others) meant.

Magic should have meaning - but that doesn't mean that there needs to be a life story attached to every trick. It doesn't mean you have to preach, or impart wisdom, or say anything meaningful at all.

A trick can be purely comedic. That has meaning. Not the deep and meaningful type of meaning, but it has meaning.

Three common mistakes with meaning, all equally bad, are as follows:

1. Having no patter/dictating what you're doing. Now I take the card and put it in the middle of the deck. No ****, sherlock.

2. Having patter that doesn't make sense. This card is a time machine. No, it's not.

3. Having patter that tries too hard. ...And so what we should take away is that in life... Thanks, Mr. 12 year old magician. Thanks, I can see that you've absorbed a lot of wisdom throughout your extensive life experience.

Which brings me back to your patter. Don't try too hard. Unless you can honestly pull that off (i.e. you're Morgan Freeman or something), don't. My first reaction to your patter was, you're trying too hard to sound intelligent, mature and meaningful. By doing so, you sound like the opposite. It's not to say that you can't have meaningful magic. But it sounds like you need to do it in another way.

 

[CasenW]

Thanks Everyone! Praetoritevong, " you're Morgan Freeman or something" that made me chuckle!

Until someone else posts theres, heres another:
This is the opener to my card routine, it get's laughs and tends to get people relaxed and ready to just enjoy the magic..


Now I know this sounds crazy me being a magician and all, but some people consider me a ladies man, I know, it's crazy, but someone even started calling me Magic Lips, now I know that cards don't scream ladies man, but this works EVERY time, I just show the top card and tell the girl it's her card, and to remember it, I then put it in the middle of the deck like that, REALLY screaming ladies man now right? but then I get her to push her card into the deck, then I tell her why they started calling me magic lips, look up.
(for card to mouth, obviously :])

 

[Steerpike]

Stop saying "now." Stop telling me what you're going to do before doing it. Stop using commas. Stop repeating the premise. Just bloody stop. The laughs probably are coming more from the goofiness of puking up a playing card rather than any rhetorical wit on your part.

 

[CasenW]

Stop saying "now." Stop telling me what you're going to do before doing it. Stop using commas. Stop repeating the premise. Just bloody stop. The laughs probably are coming more from the goofiness of puking up a playing card rather than any rhetorical wit on your part.

Has Goudinov been giving you lessons? haha, okay, here is what I consider the best patter I have written:



What do you think about when you think of magic?
probably a carnival, or a rabbit in a hat or something like that right?
When I think about magic, I think about REAL magic, a real miracle. Miracles happen every day, MAGIC, happens every day.
Magic happens when we do what seems impossible, when we penetrate the pressures of the world and just be ourselves. *rubber band wrapped around first two fingers jumps to the second two* Magic happens, when you think there is no turning back, that you are completely stuck in this bad situation your in,and you realize that there is always a way out, *phase one of crazy man's handcuffs* Magic happens when we through our true friends, we find a way out of those bad influences around us.* phase two with spectator's thumbs*
Magic Happens, when we link together with our friends, *rubber bands link* because when we unite with our friends, there is nothing we can't do. * rubber bands unlink*

 

[ReservoirRed]

Do you open your performance with the cards or coins? or do you never do them together? I mean, if you introduce yourself as a borderline sleazy magician, you'd not going to win over most crowds unless you are really ****in funny. I mean, in this you're a ladies man, in the last one you were repeating bad news about 6 times in a routine with a serious tone. There's no way these routines can work, even if not one after another, if you were a working and event and circled the room doing differnt routines, none of them match at all, what if you came back to the same crowd again, as is the norm when performing at many functions. You're going from sleazy comic to trying to make them think deep about what most people will presume is terrorism. You cant be a completely different magician everytime you perform. I dont know what you use to create your patter, but it's very strange.

 

[RDChopper]

Now I know this sounds crazy me being a magician and all, but some people consider me a ladies man, I know, it's crazy, but someone even started calling me Magic Lips)

WTF?that's trying waaaaay to hard.

I just show the top card and tell the girl it's her card, and to remember it, I then put it in the middle of the deck like that, REALLY screaming ladies man now right? but then I get her to push her card into the deck, then I tell her why they started calling me magic lips, look up.
(for card to mouth, obviously :])

Pay attention to what Prae's is telling you. The spectator is not dumb, it doesn't need you to be telling him what you are doing. You could re-phrase that.

In fact, scratch that whole patter and start anew. It's jsut too corny whatever the audience that is watching you. I agree with steerpike. If people are laughing, it is probably at your goofines.

Has Goudinov been giving you lessons? haha, okay, here is what I consider the best patter I have written:

WTF!!!?

What do you think about when you think of magic?
probably a carnival, or a rabbit in a hat or something like that right?
When I think about magic, I think about REAL magic, a real miracle. Miracles happen every day, MAGIC, happens every day.
Magic happens when we do what seems impossible, when we penetrate the pressures of the world and just be ourselves. *rubber band wrapped around first two fingers jumps to the second two* Magic happens, when you think there is no turning back, that you are completely stuck in this bad situation your in,and you realize that there is always a way out, *phase one of crazy man's handcuffs* Magic happens when we through our true friends, we find a way out of those bad influences around us.* phase two with spectator's thumbs*
Magic Happens, when we link together with our friends, *rubber bands link* because when we unite with our friends, there is nothing we can't do. * rubber bands unlink*

Again, is way too corny. If you are talking about what magic should be, and then bring out the rubberbands. It is a slap to their intelligence.

when we penetrate the pressures of the world and just be ourselves. *rubber band wrapped around first two fingers jumps to the second two*

You are using BIG WORDS for something as insignificant as rubberbands, whetever the effect you are performing, you are heckling yourself by minimising the effect with your words.

sigh* I could go on forever. Before you go any further please tell me your age, the audiences you usually perform to, and what do you think patter is .

 

[CasenW]

WTF?that's trying waaaaay to hard.



Pay attention to what Prae's is telling you. The spectator is not dumb, it doesn't need you to be telling him what you are doing. You could re-phrase that.

In fact, scratch that whole patter and start anew. It's jsut too corny whatever the audience that is watching you. I agree with steerpike. If people are laughing, it is probably at your goofines.



WTF!!!?



Again, is way too corny. If you are talking about what magic should be, and then bring out the rubberbands. It is a slap to their intelligence.




You are using BIG WORDS for something as insignificant as rubberbands, whetever the effect you are performing, you are heckling yourself by minimising the effect with your words.

sigh* I could go on forever. Before you go any further please tell me your age, the audiences you usually perform to, and what do you think patter is .

I'm 13, I normally perform for other teenagers, and patter is the real magic, you can be an excellent sleight of hand artist, but a terrible magician if your patter stinks. (as mine apparently does)

 

[Steerpike]

Has Goudinov been giving you lessons?

No, I've been a hyper-critical dick for years. You can tell because of my beard.

When I think about magic, I think about REAL magic, a real miracle. Miracles happen every day, MAGIC, happens every day.

Okay, so you're talking about miracles in the same manner as a Hallmark greeting card. And you illustrate with rubber bands? Think about that for a second.

As has been pointed out, you're trying way too hard. In your attempts to sound deep and profound, you come across less like Penn & Teller and more like Gary Busey. If you don't understand that reference, please Google "Gary Busey crazy" and steel yourself.

I don't have a sense of who you are because there's no consistency or coherence to any of these presentations. In the coin routine, you're a bitter angsty cynic talking about how, you know... life sucks and stuff. In the card presentation, you're a Saturday Night Live knockoff. And in this one, you sound like a Family Circus comic threw up. You just said you're 13, which answers a lot of that. At that age it's very rare to have much in the way of life experiences. And that's what you need to be a writer.

 

[ReservoirRed]

Dude for a 13 year old performing for other teenagers you're really trying too hard. no one is expecting you to be a master entertainer, honestly at at your age i would recommend using david blaine style minimalist patter, just say hey look can i show you something, and go from there. If you approached me i wouldn't want to hear you telling me about catastrophy,the importance of friendship or how amazing you are with the ladies. You're way to young to be presenting like that.

 

[ZachMueller]

My thoughts:

As most have pointed out, it seems like you may be trying too hard. Jon Armstrong said "If you are trying to do 'story' magic, you are putting up a wall between yourself and your audience". There are some magicians with great patter that tells a story, but if you are 13, and you are doing street magic to other teenagers, chances are they really do not want to hear a story about the meaning of magic. You want to interact with them instead of talking at them. These guys have thrown out quite a few very valid points which you should definitely consider when constructing your next routine.

~Zach

 

[CasenW]

Thanks everyone! Steerpike, "You can tell because I have a beard" hahaha, thanks for the help! Anyone else want to post some of their patter?

 

[notsoltd]

Well, I predict that people are probably going to bash me on this BUT...

To be honest, I really have no patter for anything I do. There are some things that I kind of have lines that I usually use for instance, I will do card to mouth and then say "Wow, you guys seem to like it when I use my mouth...just for you I'll try again!" usually gets a laugh. When I get it to my mouth again, it seems as though I cough it up and it is folded in quarters when it comes out of my mouth. But, for the most part, I generally improvise with the patter and jokes.

 

[RDChopper]

Well, I predict that people are probably going to bash me on this BUT...

To be honest, I really have no patter for anything I do. There are some things that I kind of have lines that I usually use for instance, I will do card to mouth and then say "Wow, you guys seem to like it when I use my mouth...just for you I'll try again!" usually gets a laugh. When I get it to my mouth again, it seems as though I cough it up and it is folded in quarters when it comes out of my mouth. But, for the most part, I generally improvise with the patter and jokes.

Actually I don't see that big of a problem if you don't use patter. People will still react to the things you are doing. For me (probably I am wrong) patter doesn't only makes you and the trick connect with the spectator, it also enhances the overall effect and the lasting impression.

Of course there are other tricks where patter is a definetly must do. Otherwise people might get confused at what you are aiming for

 

[KeoSilver]

Well, I predict that people are probably going to bash me on this BUT...

*runs on in here and yells* NOOB! *runs back out.*


But seriously, your patter is those lines that you have stashed away for that trick. Patter doesn't always have to be a rigid script.