I've come back from a ban that was placed earlier this month and I've done some thinking.
Simply put, I'm not happy here. And if certain conversations I've had are any indication, there are a lot of people who are not happy that I am here at all. It doesn't make much sense for me to stick around.
Please don't mistake this for some rant about how victimized I am. It's just one of those situations where it's not working out. When I first came here, I saw a place that was struggling to find any identity among excessively redundant threads, rampant speculation over rumors that got started only 5 minutes prior, and a moderating staff that was trying to pull the whole thing together in those hectic first weeks. I saw potential. I saw hope. But over time all that wore away.
Perhaps the forums stayed the same and it was me who changed. What I want now isn't what I wanted a year ago. That wouldn't surprise me at all. Ever since I left high school, my life has taken one dramatic turn after another, so that every January 1st, I feel like a different person greeting the new year.
Perhaps I haven't changed as much as I imagine, and the identity that coalesced in these boards just plain conflicts with my personality. Not that unlikely. There are a lot of places that have a social climate I don't enjoy. I'm a controversial figure no matter where I go, and Theory 11 would just be one more tally on the chalk board if that's the case.
People have repeatedly told me that if we all pull together as a team, that we can affect positive change around here. The trouble is that I don't know who "we" includes, and I'm not sure the people telling me this do either. And please don't take this as an attack, but I haven't noticed a lot of proactive efforts to affect that sort of change from the people who keep telling me this. They're as much a part of the status quo as anybody here. And as for my own efforts, well... let's just say they didn't work as I had hoped. I stopped writing discussion articles when people started asking me for soundbites because they didn't feel like reading the whole thing. I figured I was wasting my time and everyone else's on that particular approach.
Regardless, I don't feel welcome here anymore. Like a doomed relationship, I stuck around thinking I could change things. But my arrogance has to be deflated and my stubbornness defeated at some point, and there comes a time when it's best to dissolve the relationship before anyone gets hurt again.
Unless something happens to convince me otherwise, I'm leaving Theory 11 and I don't plan on coming back. For anybody who cares, the people I'm writing this thread for in the first place, you can contact me via the email address you'll find at my website linked to in my signature. I don't want to lose contact with good people, but at the same time I can't continue to waste my time on a place that doesn't want me around and only brings me stress, frustration, and headaches.
Alexander Vornoff, The Shadowlander
Simply put, I'm not happy here. And if certain conversations I've had are any indication, there are a lot of people who are not happy that I am here at all. It doesn't make much sense for me to stick around.
Please don't mistake this for some rant about how victimized I am. It's just one of those situations where it's not working out. When I first came here, I saw a place that was struggling to find any identity among excessively redundant threads, rampant speculation over rumors that got started only 5 minutes prior, and a moderating staff that was trying to pull the whole thing together in those hectic first weeks. I saw potential. I saw hope. But over time all that wore away.
Perhaps the forums stayed the same and it was me who changed. What I want now isn't what I wanted a year ago. That wouldn't surprise me at all. Ever since I left high school, my life has taken one dramatic turn after another, so that every January 1st, I feel like a different person greeting the new year.
Perhaps I haven't changed as much as I imagine, and the identity that coalesced in these boards just plain conflicts with my personality. Not that unlikely. There are a lot of places that have a social climate I don't enjoy. I'm a controversial figure no matter where I go, and Theory 11 would just be one more tally on the chalk board if that's the case.
People have repeatedly told me that if we all pull together as a team, that we can affect positive change around here. The trouble is that I don't know who "we" includes, and I'm not sure the people telling me this do either. And please don't take this as an attack, but I haven't noticed a lot of proactive efforts to affect that sort of change from the people who keep telling me this. They're as much a part of the status quo as anybody here. And as for my own efforts, well... let's just say they didn't work as I had hoped. I stopped writing discussion articles when people started asking me for soundbites because they didn't feel like reading the whole thing. I figured I was wasting my time and everyone else's on that particular approach.
Regardless, I don't feel welcome here anymore. Like a doomed relationship, I stuck around thinking I could change things. But my arrogance has to be deflated and my stubbornness defeated at some point, and there comes a time when it's best to dissolve the relationship before anyone gets hurt again.
Unless something happens to convince me otherwise, I'm leaving Theory 11 and I don't plan on coming back. For anybody who cares, the people I'm writing this thread for in the first place, you can contact me via the email address you'll find at my website linked to in my signature. I don't want to lose contact with good people, but at the same time I can't continue to waste my time on a place that doesn't want me around and only brings me stress, frustration, and headaches.
Alexander Vornoff, The Shadowlander