Bad magic jokes.

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Austin Fields, May 12, 2011.

  1. Guys I think it's time for some serious topics. This isn't one of them. Time for bad magic jokes!

    I'll start.

    How much does it cost to be great at flourishing?!

    Just a couple of Bucks.
     
    TimW1 likes this.
  2. great one i heard from dannyT
    what does obama and daniel madison have in common?
    they both promised change, but so far, nothing
     
  3. also r we talkin like jokes, or like those lame stock jokes magicians use from the 80s?
     
  4. . . . . Ok, why not. I don't remember where I read this but

    "How many magicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    - about 100, 1 to actually screw it in and about 99 others to say I've got a variation of that"
     
    Evan Chartrand, TimW1 and Dillan like this.
  5. What's the difference between a savings bond and a magician?

    The bond will mature and start earning money.
     
  6. How do you get a professional magician off your doorstep?


    Pay for the pizza...
     
  7. Any of the visual puns we like to use probably need to be in this category
     
    Arnav Kamath likes this.
  8. What is the difference between a magician and a woodpecker?

    One is extremely annoying, loud, and nearly impossible to get rid of. The other one is a bird ;)
     
    Arnav Kamath likes this.
  9. Magician was having some problems and went to see a shrink, the doc said lay down on the couch an tell me everything. Like a fool I was the magician said I did and now that doctor is in New York doing my act.

    Magician on a cruise ship performing well the captain had this extremely annoying bird that seem to know how he did all the tricks during the show it would squawk out "it went up your sleeve it went up your sleeve" or " she under the box she under the box" this went on night after night. No rest at all for the magician on the 2ND week out the boilers in the old ship were not taken care of as best they could and they blew up in the middle of the night there the magician was floating on a raft when suddenly the captain parrot came and sat on the end of the raft and just starred at him for a long time finally the bird said "I give up how did you make the ship vanish?"
     
  10. What do you call a professional magician that's not in a relationship?

    Homeless.
     
  11. Magicians may be the only people on the planet who think that leaving your thumb-tip at home is a good idea every so often.

    To everyone else that sounds extremely painful.
     
    Evan Chartrand likes this.
  12. How do you get a magician to show you a hundred card tricks?

    Ask him to show you one.




    What's the difference between a pizza and a magician?

    A Pizza can feed a family of four.
     
  13. What's the difference between a magician and an onion?

    People cry when they chop up an onion.
     
    theGe likes this.
  14. There is a frog walking to the west and a magician walking to the east.
    What can we deduce from this?

    The frog is on his way to a gig.
     
  15. This is the face I made: XD HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I love this one
     
  16. What do you say when you're finish with your trick but you're audience doesn't know?

    I'm Penis!
     
  17. Hey Man! Are you laughing?

    Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

    Why Man?

    hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

    WTF are you laughing about?

    HahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

    Dammit Tell Me!

    And the reply of the laughing person: I STOLE YOUR GOLD ARCANE DECK!

    HahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
     

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