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Why Do People Act Like This?

Jul 13, 2009
1,372
0
32
Don´t be so explicit, I am sure you can elaborate on this so he can understand you...

...and I have you cookie right here!!


And you have my address. My milk has gone sour and I still haven't recieved it.

I don't like being gentle when an answer could be given in simpler terms. Don't perform your magic like it is some sort of slut trolling for a dude to go around the block with. If you don't like that people are pestering you about performing magic, then STOP PERFORMING MAGIC LIKE A MAGICAL SLAVE. Set ground rules, perform only in certain events, or heck to steal a line from the Joker in Dark Knight, "If you're good at something, don't do it for free."


EDIT:

At least one new member of the forum understands what I mean, thank you Punk n magic, you are exactly right in what I was conveying.
 
Sep 10, 2008
915
3
QLD, AUS
To start, I am DEAD serious when I say that flourishing loosens my hands and gets me focused before I bowl. I will not perform with my Guardians I only flourish with them - thats why that was all I had on me and even if I had more stuff on me, I still would have turned him down like I did.

Regardless of what you flourish for, if you are flourishing, you are giving off the impression that you are a show off, and that you want to show off to people.
 
Sep 26, 2007
591
5
Tokyo, Japan
Imagine a kid at school that ALWAYS carries around a yo-yo. Whenever you see him, there he is with a yo-yo in hand doing tricks. Not only is he doing tricks, he is asking people if they want to see his yo-yo skills. Some people say yes, because they are his friends, and some people say yes because the kid can actually do some pretty nice tricks. Regardless however, no matter what, he always has a yo-yo out. It seems quite obvious that this kid would start to be known as the "yo-yo kid." Not many people around will actually stop to think about "why does he always have a yo-yo?" they just know that he always DOES have a yo-yo. And, since the yo-yo kid always tries to show kids his tricks, some people will think it is ok to ask him to perform those tricks for them too. When the kid refuses, they might be confused... because "wth?? he always shows tricks, and now when I ask, he won't? WTF?"

Do you see where I am going with this? You have made yourself into the magic version of yo-yo kid. You are not Rob, the cool kid that is actually also quite a good magician, you are the magic-kid, whose name happens to be Rob. Your intentions might have been harmless and you may have started out doing it to try and boost your self-esteem, but magic has become your crutch to society, to your sense of belonging, to your mental well-being... none of these is a good thing, in fact, it is an unhealthy thing. Imagine you were to permanently damage your hand... I get the feeling that you would feel your life to be pretty much over. Sure, it would be a disappointment for me to for example, lose a hand, lose an arm, break a hand for a few months, etc... I would not be able to play pool, do magic, play the guitar, etc... but I have other things around me to live for. I really suggest that you take the time to figure out what else you have going for you because I am sure you have plenty. You really just need to develop your social/ communication skills outside the realm of "performance."

Learn to communicate with others. Educate yourself. Work out and exercise. Do volunteer work. You said that you do magic because you have low self-esteem, and it gives you a sense of belonging, and that people genuinely appreciate you for it. To a point, that is all well and good, but if your motives for magic are 100% about yourself, you are not going to be able to dig yourself out of these situations that happened at the bowling alley.

A normal person would have been upset at the fact the other person was being a jerk, but nothing more. You are upset at the fact that your magic wasn't appreciated, that you didn't know how to handle the situation, and that you don't know when you should do magic or how to turn people down. That is way more than you need to be worrying about right now. And, I feel that it is your magic that is causing these problems.

Gotta have balance in life my friend. Or you will tip over and not be able to pick yourself up.
 
Sep 2, 2007
1,182
119
29
Houston, TX
I have recently started back up in bowling after a few months break. Also, I have a gym membership, and me and my friends always love to hang. I think I am going to try this. I will not perform again unless it is a special occasion (family reunion, christmas party etc.) for a few months. I will work on what I have now and then come christmas, I will start reading Strong Magic and work on whatever new stuff I may get. I will find out what I like and come up with a few good routines and then, I will start performing on occasion. When I do start performing again, I will try to apply the materials of Strong Magic to my performances. Judging by what you guys are saying, I feel this would be best for me to do. I am going to try to make this happen!

Thanks for the help guys!

P.s., I was pissed that the guy was being a jerk I was just trying not to let it get to me and stay calm to help my bowling so I just simply refused to do magic.
 

CaseyRudd

Director of Operations
Team member
Jun 5, 2009
3,224
3,398
Charleston, SC
www.instagram.com
Tokyo, you nailed it right on the the head. I was in Rob's position once; I was the exact same way. If there was anything I could take back it would be performing constantly back in 7th grade. Middle school sucked for the rest of that time; I was never happy. It was a bad place for me and I felt like there was nothing I could do. What I learned is to do situational magic, and once maybe every few weeks to get you started. Since there are new people that go to my school this year, I'm on a new road and a new path. On the first day of school this year, I kicked things off with Smoke. It had everyone buzzing about it. Still, into this second quarter, I get asked to do the smoke trick. Since then, I haven't done much of anything at school. GUM by Jeff Prace is another prime example of great situational magic. Kids go nuts over having gum, so when they ask you for a piece, you're ready to blow some minds.

Earlier this week I brought the cards to school. I always thought doing flourishes and flourishy magic was bad for me; it turns out the new kids that go here go nuts over it. They watch me flourish and do these card moves and it has them really excited. I was practicing Uzumaki by Dan and Dave while sitting through Geometry one day and this kid was raving about how the card spun to the top. I didn't even know he was watching, but he was and it got him excited.

Main thing is, start focusing on less magic at school. Space it out to maybe a situational piece every few weeks. I know it's hard and it takes time getting used to, but that's what helped me get over my roadblock. I'm no longer just the "magic kid" like I used to be. I rose above it and became Casey; my own self. I don't use magic as a crutch anymore. Using as a crutch is one of the worst mistakes you can make. Unfortunately I had to learn the hard way and it sucks you had to go through it too. Also, doing things outside of magic really help. Start getting more interactive with your peers and go to parties, the mall, or wherever kids your age go.

College for you will be a whole new ball game and it's important you build up a good social life. You want to make the best out of your college experience. Don't be know as just the "magic kid" all throughout college. Be yourself first, and then do occasional situational magic (like I said) once every few weeks or a month. It'll have people wanting more and excited to wait.

Hope all works out for you in the end Rob. Keep your head held high and your confidence up and you'll recover a lot quicker. I'll be going back to my Business Apps class now. I hope I've helped in any way possible. :)

-Casey
 
Nov 7, 2008
295
0
Hofstra Univ.
When people start demanding a certain trick or demanding to see something in general I look at it in a few different scenarios-

1. They are genuinely nice and want to see.
These people i try to oblige for but if i can't i just say i ran out of pixie dust for today haha or i look for a girl's ring or silly bands or i just simply apologize and these people especially understand
2. People that are only out to get me
These people are usually over excited and tend to be very demanding. I usually interject with "PERFORM FOR ME CLOWWN!!" or "DANCE MONKEY DANCE!" it lightens the mood and tension and people usually understand that they are being a bit too much.
3. When I have someone who keeps demanding a certain trick and it's becoming a detriment to the rest of the polite audience i usually respond to them by saying "Unfortunately I am not a radio station, i don't really take requests"

That's just usually how I would deal with those people.
 
Aug 17, 2008
473
13
Ann Arbor, MI
And you have my address. My milk has gone sour and I still haven't recieved it.

I don't like being gentle when an answer could be given in simpler terms. Don't perform your magic like it is some sort of slut trolling for a dude to go around the block with. If you don't like that people are pestering you about performing magic, then STOP PERFORMING MAGIC LIKE A MAGICAL SLAVE. Set ground rules, perform only in certain events, or heck to steal a line from the Joker in Dark Knight, "If you're good at something, don't do it for free."


EDIT:

At least one new member of the forum understands what I mean, thank you Punk n magic, you are exactly right in what I was conveying.

I totally agree with what KeoSilver is saying. I have people ask me to do magic all the time for them... A lot of times i do because i love doing it... But if im not in the mood, i say no. They kinda get mad.. But it also makes them want to see a trick even more, so when you do an effect. Its even better.

-blake.
 
Apr 27, 2010
229
0
baller08.blogspot.com
The problem is that I have a super low self esteem and have always been the kid that everyone picks on or makes fun of or trips him down stairs because it is funny or tries to run him over with their truck because they don't like me. All these things have happened to me and that is why I LOVE to perform for people so much. It makes me feel wanted and like they care who I am, and 95% of the people I perform for do appreciate it and do care who I am and it is awesome.

I know....that's what I said. You didn't have to say that for some of us to recognize that's your situation because it's very obvious. What Toby said about working out is very good advice. What's even more important is what tokyoUW posted, not just his example about the yo-yo kid but about a social life in general.

You're not on a good path, kid. Your neediness and gullibility about how the world really works is going to get you into a lot of pain sooner rather than later. Your attitude will make you unattractive not just to women but to people in general. You're the one that posted about asking your gf to prom in some lavish way right? You're a try hard in everything and that's going to eventually drive her away too.

A couple of people have given you really good advice about how to build a confident social life. If you take the easy way out eventually you're going to have to come to terms with reality and it's going to be a very painful lesson for you. Magic isn't the answer, stop using it as a crutch and start doing other things that have been suggested. Its harder but will make you into a much better person.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Mar 28, 2010
36
0
Maryland
Sorry if this seems unrelated but the answers people are giving such as "don't perform when people ask you because it makes you seem like a monkey:, I don't seem to understand. It's magic, aren't you supposed to entertain them? I don't understand why magicians get all offended when people ask them to show a trick, I thought the point of magic was to entertain and being invited to do it doesn't sound that bad to me. (correct me please)

manonthemoon
 
Sep 1, 2007
3,786
15
I don't understand why magicians get all offended when people ask them to show a trick, I thought the point of magic was to entertain and being invited to do it doesn't sound that bad to me. (correct me please)

Fair enough.

Let me put it this way. You ever see a man buy a woman a drink at a bar? How many of those men do you think end up dating the girls they buy hooch for? One does not earn respect by giving in to the demands of a stranger. A polite request is one thing. But demanding to see a show for free and then being a brat when you don't get it on your terms? That's something else entirely.

I'm not offended by people asking me to show them something. I'm actually not offended by much anymore in general. Mostly just stupidity. But I perform on my terms.
 
Mar 28, 2010
36
0
Maryland
Fair enough.

Let me put it this way. You ever see a man buy a woman a drink at a bar? How many of those men do you think end up dating the girls they buy hooch for? One does not earn respect by giving in to the demands of a stranger. A polite request is one thing. But demanding to see a show for free and then being a brat when you don't get it on your terms? That's something else entirely.

I'm not offended by people asking me to show them something. I'm actually not offended by much anymore in general. Mostly just stupidity. But I perform on my terms.

Ah ok, thanks for the example and clearing that up. I guess my "character" if you want to call it that is somewhat of a nerdy stereotypical magician (in a comedic way), so I usually do something when asked and i was just curious of others thoughts.

-thanks
 
Sep 26, 2007
591
5
Tokyo, Japan
Sorry if this seems unrelated but the answers people are giving such as "don't perform when people ask you because it makes you seem like a monkey:, I don't seem to understand. It's magic, aren't you supposed to entertain them? I don't understand why magicians get all offended when people ask them to show a trick, I thought the point of magic was to entertain and being invited to do it doesn't sound that bad to me. (correct me please)

manonthemoon

In addition to what Steerpike said, there is a difference between being respected and asked politely to be shown something, and being taken advantage of because of the negative image that you have created for yourself. You are correct that the majority of us magicians do magic because we enjoy performing for people, but we need to have self-respect, and we need to be able to create an image for ourselves that warrants the respect we desire. If you are able to do this, then more often than not, you will be rewarded with people that treat you with respect when you perform for them. Of course there will still be the occasional jerk, but that cannot be avoided, just "handled" better.
 
Oct 12, 2009
286
0
Navarre, Florida
Just a small detail I wanted to add is when your friends and family understand that you perform on your terms only they will appreciate it that much more when you do choose to show them something.

Aaaaaand social-jujutsu rant to follow...

*I'm certainly not saying apply this to any and all situations. Just presenting this as some ideas to consider.*

I think more often it is more advantageous socially to at least initially decline the request.

When someone in a group asks you to perform they are giving you value by showing you have this unique 'ability'. HOWEVER, in immediately obliging them, you are giving up that power and may also be seen as supplicating to that person or the group. Basically, they won't appreciate it as much. It will also make you look extremely bad if a particular guy asks you in hopes of you supplicating to him which makes him look better socially. It is typically going to be something guys do, especially in the presence of girls. Without going to far down the rabbit hole that is pick up its called AMOGing. AMOG stands for Alpha Male Of Group and some guys WILL ask you to perform for the sole purpose of showing their dominance over you.

There are a few very attractive benefits to declining to immediately perform, especially if you are dealing with an AMOG:
1. You now have a value that no one else in the group has, most likely given to you by the person of most authority and highest social standing.
2. You now, have permission to perform at ANY point in the interaction. (This is especially useful in the case of an AMOG, the rest of the group should be eager to see you perform so when you bring it up later on your terms, even if he tries to refuse he'll have to bow to what the group wants which means he is in a subtle way bowing to you.)
3. You can dole out effects at your own leisure. If the conversation is winding down you can consider going into an effect.
4. You can now wait for conversation to steer to something relevant to an effect you have which will make it feel that much more spontaneous.

A nice bonus is in performing you can show your dominance in countless subtle ways. Simply by moving the crowd around, especially the guys. Tell them to do something for an effect and correct them. You don't have to be an ass just something simple like having them hold their hand out and moving it. Consider choosing them and then dismiss them for someone else. Things like that. Use your imagination.

If you are going to perform right away, consider making them do something to earn it. Ask what they are good at and have them do a little something for you. If nothing comes to mind, say you'll be glad to perform for them but only if they all do an impression of your favorite farm animal. Make them supplicate to you and reward them for their good behavior.
 
Apr 27, 2010
229
0
baller08.blogspot.com
Just a small detail I wanted to add is when your friends and family understand that you perform on your terms only they will appreciate it that much more when you do choose to show them something.

Aaaaaand social-jujutsu rant to follow...

*I'm certainly not saying apply this to any and all situations. Just presenting this as some ideas to consider.*

I think more often it is more advantageous socially to at least initially decline the request.

When someone in a group asks you to perform they are giving you value by showing you have this unique 'ability'. HOWEVER, in immediately obliging them, you are giving up that power and may also be seen as supplicating to that person or the group. Basically, they won't appreciate it as much. It will also make you look extremely bad if a particular guy asks you in hopes of you supplicating to him which makes him look better socially. It is typically going to be something guys do, especially in the presence of girls. Without going to far down the rabbit hole that is pick up its called AMOGing. AMOG stands for Alpha Male Of Group and some guys WILL ask you to perform for the sole purpose of showing their dominance over you.

There are a few very attractive benefits to declining to immediately perform, especially if you are dealing with an AMOG:
1. You now have a value that no one else in the group has, most likely given to you by the person of most authority and highest social standing.
2. You now, have permission to perform at ANY point in the interaction. (This is especially useful in the case of an AMOG, the rest of the group should be eager to see you perform so when you bring it up later on your terms, even if he tries to refuse he'll have to bow to what the group wants which means he is in a subtle way bowing to you.)
3. You can dole out effects at your own leisure. If the conversation is winding down you can consider going into an effect.
4. You can now wait for conversation to steer to something relevant to an effect you have which will make it feel that much more spontaneous.

A nice bonus is in performing you can show your dominance in countless subtle ways. Simply by moving the crowd around, especially the guys. Tell them to do something for an effect and correct them. You don't have to be an ass just something simple like having them hold their hand out and moving it. Consider choosing them and then dismiss them for someone else. Things like that. Use your imagination.

If you are going to perform right away, consider making them do something to earn it. Ask what they are good at and have them do a little something for you. If nothing comes to mind, say you'll be glad to perform for them but only if they all do an impression of your favorite farm animal. Make them supplicate to you and reward them for their good behavior.

Every magician....actually...every guy on this forum should print that out and truly understand what he is saying and then apply it. Forget magic, it will change your interactions with men and women. If you can actually apply what he is saying, anything you do in magic will be much more well received than whatever it is you're getting today even if you don't pick up another new magic book, DVD, or trick again.

Of course what Haunter is saying takes discipline, work, risks, rejection, and a desire to actually be a better man. It's not someone hand feeding you something on a DVD.....which is why most guys won't truly understand what he is saying.
 
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